Relationships - tell me what I've been missing out on please..!.

[GiveMeAReasonToGetOutOfBed]

Im 46. I dated someone for a few months last year and, the first time I stayed over, he suggested we shared a bath together in the morning.

We did and he said something along the lines of, after being single for so long, it was nice just to enjoy the simple aspects of a relationship again.

I agreed but, actually, I'd never shared a bath with anyone before!

I've had one actual relationship but where we didn't love or fancy each other (long story). We probably had sex half a dozen times while we were together and nothing romantic or loving ever passed between us.

Other than that, I've dated for a bit here and there and had a few flings but, again, nothing romantic or loving or 'shared' has ever happened like this.

No one has ever brought me breakfast in bed, or prepared a simple romantic surprise for me or taken me on a picnic even.

I think maybe I want a relationship one day but I'd really like to know what it is I'm missing out on.

What little things happen in loving relationships that I'm not aware of?

Just to add, I took a friend of mine for an evening picnic in the summer a few years ago. We went to some secluded woods. I took blankets, wine, food and fairy lights. We ate and drinks and the fairy lights were a surprise when it got dark. We put the fairly lights around the blanket when it got dark and stayed in the woods all night talking and dozing under the stars.

That's the most romantic night I've spent and it was arranged by me for a man I was just friends with!

The most romantic thing someone has done for me was to drive me 100 miles to pick up a new car! But that didn't feel very romantic tbh.

It's all the little things really, dh always gives me a hug, makes me tea in the morning, he buys me flowers randomly. Tells me I'm beautiful all the time.

That's lovely 😊

My boyfriend will insist on carrying something for me all the time. Whether it’s an umbrella or something heavier. I went to the office recently and we had planned a Christmas lights walk afterwards. I had to bring some stuff home from work, had a heavy backpack and he carried the backpack the whole walk without complaining... only asked for a quick rest at the end and I was horrified to realise how bloody heavy it was!

Brings my slippers to wherever my feet are if he notices im without them.
Takes a deep satisfaction from pleasing me with a gift, toast in the morning, always takes the bins out (he doesnt live with me at the moment, and I live in a flat, so its quite the trek and not his rubbish, but he doesnt like me to get cold) etc.

I would say most men are not over the top romantics, but the little things that show they care make your heart glow. (the picnic sounds incredible, are you certain he is just looking for a friend?)

Dh usnt romantic but uts the day to say stuff that he does for me and our ( grown up) lads that makes him priceless and wonderful.
A get coffee in bed every morning, he gets the big shop in and buys the treats I like and the things that I eat. My bubble bath is ready for me when I vote home after certain shifts because he knows i like to do that and then have a nap.
When I work at weekends he makes my favourite breads and biscuits for when I come home. If I'm going on a long journey he will check my car for water, tyres and oil because he knows I forget.
These little examples don't convey how much he does but he always makes me feel like we are his priority and we feel completely loved.

the picnic sounds incredible, are you certain he is just looking for a friend?

We're not in contact anymore. It all went a bit horribly wrong we weren't together but the friendship became unhealthy.

Besides, it was me who did that for him. I'd really like someone to do something like that for me.

I'm not into presents, big gestures or being 'whisked away' or anything like that. It would just be nice to have little things that showed someone cared.

Given there weren't any alternatives, I sent a friend who was struggling during first lockdown some chocolats from Hotel Chocolat and had gin delivered to another.

It would be nice if someone did that sort of thing for me occasionally.

These all sound lovely.

DP tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful, kisses and hugs me all the time, always makes sure I have a nice lunch to take to work, brings me a blanket when we cuddle on the sofa because he knows I’m always cold, asks (genuinely) about my day and listens to me, tells me he’s proud of me, tells me I’m a fab mum, plans lovely activities and fun things to do as a family and also just is two, does incredibly romantic things (organised a horse and carriage ride, books lovely weekends away, decorated the garden and prepares gorgeous meals), runs me lovely baths, is kind and patient when my mental health is off, takes time out of his day to send me a joke or something to make me smile, carries all my bags, gives me his coat if I need it, cooks and cleans the kitchen because I hate cooking and washing up, happily buys me tampax and nurses me through my horrible hormonal migraines. Basically he is kind and loving every day.

OfTheNight

Wow. I can't imagine anyone doing those things for me!

Although, my son buys me Tampax and went out on a freezing winter night to walk a mile to the local shop and back to buy me pain killers when i was in an awful lot of pain.

So I guess he loves me at least!

You are very lucky

@GiveMeAReasonToGetOutOfBed before DP I felt exactly the same as you. I did all the leg work with ExH and I felt that that was just what I had to expect.
When I met DP his behaviour seemed weird to me at first, and even made me question if he was ‘love bombing’ me. But, we had a lot of conversations and 4 and a half years later, we’re still going strong and he’s even more thoughtful, if that’s possible. Like others have said, it’s not the big stuff really, it’s the little bits that make me feel loved, valued and respected.

I know this is normal
For so many of you and After a horrible marriage , at 46, I have met a lovely Man. The truth is that initially when he made me random cups of
Coffee, put my towel on the radiator pre shower, shopped before I visited and bought all those things that I said I love,
In passing, swopped sides of the bed , cooked, cleaned , sent songs and meaningful lyrics and did all of these types of kind, generous and thoughtful things, I became
Completely cynical and wondered when the mask would slip . I thought it was all an act . His genuine feelings and openness , humour and his ability to have fully adult
Conversations and really listen and care were a
Shock . I had become so used to being ignored, used and disrespected, I believed it was too good to be true. To the op, I'm wishing all of this for you as I have been where you are and honestly , I never believed that men like this existed only in my dreams . He's never t perfect and neither am I but good
Men really do exist . I wish you well x