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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I expecting too much?

10 replies

Bcal92 · 09/12/2020 19:59

Me and my DP have been together 4 years, we have a 2 year old daughter together and another one on the way (18 weeks pregnant) and I feel like I have to withhold asking for a bit more physical help at the moment, I have found this pregnancy really tough, I have been really sick, nauseous constantly and just generally knackered all the time after running around after a toddler too.

He was so good when we first found out we was expecting again, but all of a sudden he has just like decided he isn't going out of his way anymore, which I am struggling with as i have been constantly telling him how much I appreciate him taking the load off.
The past week I have been getting quite bad back ache and cramps, I have been full of a cold and my energy levels are zero, but it's almost like he is going out of his way to not help with housework, he is only working part time at the moment (I work more hours) and this evening when we went to pick my daughter up from childcare, I asked if he would put her in the carseat for me (it's a low car) and he called me a prick and said I was lazy.
I am just gobsmacked to be honest.. it has really worried me about having another baby, i had a really hard time with my daughter and suffered quite bad with postnatal anxiety, and when i confronted him in the car about the fact I just avoid the lifting and bending at the moment because of the aches and pains, he said I was using it as an excuse.
Feeling pretty low about it right now, because now I am going to be stepping on eggshells to ask for help if I need it.

OP posts:

grassisjeweled · 09/12/2020 20:02

He actually called you a prick?

Original poster

Bcal92 · 09/12/2020 20:12

Yeah, I said ah can you put her in the car babe my hands are full, and he went urgh your a prick. :/

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 09/12/2020 20:22

What? That's really unkind and horrible of him. I bet you do plenty of things for him that you could refuse to do and tell him he was lazy for not doing himself. But I also bet you don't because you're not that sort of person.

And even without bringing in the pregnancy, if he's working fewer hours than you, he can do more of the housework. That's how many people arrange it. If it was the other way around I imagine he'd expect you to pick up more of the housework.

widespreadpanic · 09/12/2020 21:08

Maybe he was stressed. It happens only once then I"d let it go. But in my experience name calling especially names such as that are the beginning of the end.

Dery · 09/12/2020 21:11

What you describe sounds pretty nasty, OP. Even if you were working the same hours, this wouldn’t be okay and it’s particularly not if he’s working less than you. Have you asked him what is going on and why he thinks it’s okay to treat you that way?

strangertimes · 09/12/2020 21:20

He’s working less hours than you? He should be doing more housework. He has no excuse to not be doing more. Plus, the child is both of yours. It’s not “putting your daughter in the car seat for YOU” it’s “putting the child in the car seat” full stop. He’s not doing you a favour by putting the child in the car seat. I’m guessing you thank him a lot for stuff he does around the house? Even though you both live there and both make it dirty? He should be doing 50/50 of everything and probably even more like 70/30 if you’re working more hours. Name calling is not ok. He’s turning abusive. So what’s his excuse for this then? None of this is ok. My husband did this to me after our child was born. He’d never done it before. I wish I’d left him then because once you start to accept this kind of behaviour it just carries on. You need to nip it in the bud now. Call him out. Tell him if he’s not happy then he can leave

Original poster

Bcal92 · 09/12/2020 21:26

I have just had a pretty heated discussion with him, and he has somehow tried to make out like he was joking and that I am being over sensitive.

OP posts:

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 09/12/2020 21:29

Then he needs to realise you don't find name calling funny and never will. (Not unusually!)

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 09/12/2020 21:30

The worrying thing here is that he thinks you're making stuff up. How dare he think he knows better than you what's going on with your body?!

glassoftwohalves · 10/12/2020 09:35

Father of two here.
Tell him you are not vending machine where he thinks putting a coin and waiting for drink to drop.
Pregnancy is for both. The highs and lows needs to be shared.
Mrs Never asked me to do anything. I was always auto programmed in doing stuffs. I always thought thats how marriages worked.
And also tell him that you are not a prick. End of discussion on that.

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