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Relationships

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Non live in partners

11 replies

littleteeks · 09/12/2020 17:58

I've been with my boyfriend about 10 months. We've been in lockdown together, with my child from previous relationship. As I was furloughed untill September, and he was working from home we've luckily been able to spend a lot of time together.
With it being lockdown, I had a lot more time for things I wouldn't have usually when working full time. So there was a big push on extra cooking, extra cleaning, just going 'extra' around the house seeing as we were stuck at home all day!

Fast forward to September, job front not looking great, I have decided to return to university for a top up course to gain my degree. As you can imagine, deadlines and lectures, plus normal home/ child responsibilities are back on top.

And it's made me realise how much of a lazy bastard he is. Those early days of quarantine I feel have lured him into a false sense of 'my girlfriend handles that'.

I was adamant that my next relationship would be more balanced, and I would be no ones personal skivvy.

Fast forward to today, he's still working from home. I'm now working from home for uni, deadlines left right and centre. My daughter off school as her class bubble is isolating.

He rings me at 17.02 from his house asking what's for dinner and I absolutely feel like loosing my shit. When I suggested I haven't thought about it yet, and may just get a takeaway for myself and my daughter the sigh he let out made me want to punch him through the phone. (Figure of speech, do not condone any violence in relationships).

He's made slight comments before about how I don't cook very often. Always brushed them off, but it's beginning to bug me now.

The way I see it is, 10 months ago you were a bachelor living alone no kids. What did you use to do before I came along? Also, he encouraged me to return and get my degree, so why can you not see/ sense times I need support and JUST COOK SOME BLOODY DINNER.

Think I'm just ranting because I've been stuck at my laptop trying to write an assignment, but any thoughts welcome

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/12/2020 18:10

Don’t just rant. Ranting serves a short term purpose but the underlying issue remains.

Why not also dump him now saying this is no longer working for you?. Do not further be his personal skivvy.

Plastichearts · 09/12/2020 18:13

So why isn’t he cooking dinner?

Plastichearts · 09/12/2020 18:14

I’m confused by your title. Are you living together?

katy1213 · 09/12/2020 18:19

He doesn't live with you. So he comes for dinner when you invite him. How often does he cook for you?
Back off a bit. You don't need to be seeing him every night. Or tell him to drop by for an hour after you've already eaten? Think Scottish: you'll have had your tea???? You haven't? Oh, we've had ours!

littleteeks · 09/12/2020 18:23

@Plastichearts

I’m confused by your title. Are you living together?
We don't live together. He spends the odd night or two during the week, but comes round most evenings
OP posts:
littleteeks · 09/12/2020 18:25

@katy1213

He doesn't live with you. So he comes for dinner when you invite him. How often does he cook for you? Back off a bit. You don't need to be seeing him every night. Or tell him to drop by for an hour after you've already eaten? Think Scottish: you'll have had your tea???? You haven't? Oh, we've had ours!
This is how I thought it would be, especially since we're so early on. Have found if we go 2/3/4 days without seeing each other he becomes really needy and that I need to make more quality time for him
OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/12/2020 18:26

Your time would be better spent with someone other than him.

littleteeks · 09/12/2020 18:27

@AttilaTheMeerkat

Don’t just rant. Ranting serves a short term purpose but the underlying issue remains.

Why not also dump him now saying this is no longer working for you?. Do not further be his personal skivvy.

Have thought about it a few months ago, but didn't want to make a decision based on something that wasn't a huge issue then. I'm now starting to think it could be a cultural thing (women in his family are know to bend over backwards for their husbands). I don't have a problem with, but we're not married and not even close I don't think
OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/12/2020 18:32

No it’s not a cultural thing, the men in his family have simply all been waited in hand and foot by their wives. Your allude to a previous relationship being unbalanced so making you feel like a skivvy and this one seems to be going in that same direction.

He is an adult who is perfectly capable of buying and preparing his food or buy takeout but oh no, he’s phoned you asking you what’s for dinner!. CF indeed.

katy1213 · 09/12/2020 18:35

If he feels needy, let him visit his mum! It's not an attractive trait in a man - especially if he only needs you to feed him!

Fortunefavours1 · 09/12/2020 18:44

He sounds so unattractive. Urgh. Man baby.

He's costing you money, time and annoyance. Does he contribute financially at all?

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