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Original poster

Do you get on with your OH mum?

45 replies

prawntoastie · 09/12/2020 17:37

if not how does it effect your relationship

I'm going through this now. We have broken up and now I'm alone at xmas, I was not invited to her house. My dad doesn't like people round on xmas and my mum is not alive. Usually do spend it alone, at least this year I have a dog.

OP posts:
shas19 · 10/12/2020 00:15

Yes. Shes the mum I never had

MrsOakes99 · 10/12/2020 00:22

I hate her, she hates me. We dont talk about it, she doesn't speak English well at all, so there's not much to talk about.

I basically encouraged her son to go to university to be a nurse, which is his dream and she thinks I'm putting pressure on him to do something he doesnt want to do. He hates her for the way she's treated me and loves nursing. Its just a whole boiling pot ready to blow honestly, we've even considered moving away.

KarmaNoMore · 10/12/2020 00:30

My MIL was lovely before we married, dreadful when we were married, unbearable after divorce and now so many years late we talk almost every week. Neither of us have seen the man I married for a good few years so we have now nothing to disagree about Grin

Honestly, you are better off on your own, free to find someone who can appreciate you and welcome you to his own family than wasting more years with people that will never see you as one of them. Cheer up, things will look better soon, it is surviving Christmas alone that would be difficult, but believe me, life would look brighter after the Christmas trees are put away.

Wanderdust · 10/12/2020 06:47

We get on OK but I don't particularly enjoy her company! She doesn't really bother with me at all (e.g months can go by without a word from her) but it's not an issue as she's the same way with my hubby, her own son Confused She has lots of issues though (some related to mental health/a troubled past) so that could be why, the family kind of use it as an excuse ie "oh don't be offended, you know what she's like!" etc. But I still find it bizarre that's she is so distant, especially when I was super close to my ex partner's mother. In some ways tho, it's GREAT to not have the interference, I know lots of people with over bearing MILs.

If you've split it, I'd try to focus on yourself and move on - RE: my lovely ex MIL, she ended up completely dropping me when my ex partner and I split which was hurtful at the time as I thought we were close but you eventually get over it (long story, but she believed her son's lies over my side of the story, which I guess isn't unusual). Take care!

ArrowsOfMistletoe · 10/12/2020 07:59

Yes, I did. She was lovely - had very different ideas about how to parent and all that, but never interfered with our way of doing things because she recognised it's different times now. My husband also got on really well with my parents.

PinkPlantCase · 10/12/2020 08:17

I’m actually quite similar to my MIL Blush I have more things in common with her than I do with my own mum.

My DH comes from a large family though and I think that helps generally because it means his parents are pretty laid back, not overly involved with any of their DCs and very much have their own lives aside from being parents. That said they’re always very happy to see us.

Ariesbaby89 · 11/12/2020 05:17

My Ex MIL was an enabler for her sons shitty behaviour. He couldn’t do no wrong, he was addicted to drugs (age 24) and her excuse was ‘he’s a youngster having fun 🙄). He’d often smash things up in our house like doors etc and when she’d next come round she’d say ‘you know what he’s like, stop winding him up). I hated her

Untrained · 11/12/2020 05:41

I didn’t dislike my OH’s Mum but she definitely wasn’t ‘my kind of person’! She was quite a negative person, a bit bitchy/gossipy, not very intelligent and very tactless. Also quite needy and interfering. Obviously she had her good points too and OH was very close to her - I suppose I was jealous of that and it did cause arguments between us sometimes.

polkadotpixie · 11/12/2020 06:16

She's okay but we'll never be close. She's selfish and barely bothers with DH which I find very odd, I can't imagine that kind of relationship with my own DM or having that attitude towards DS

She also thinks I'm a bitch because I don't let her babysit DS...erm you're a raving alcoholic MIL so no, I won't leave my child in your care when you're hammered by lunchtime, thanks all the same!

MrsOakes99 · 11/12/2020 23:34

@polkadotpixie

She's okay but we'll never be close. She's selfish and barely bothers with DH which I find very odd, I can't imagine that kind of relationship with my own DM or having that attitude towards DS

She also thinks I'm a bitch because I don't let her babysit DS...erm you're a raving alcoholic MIL so no, I won't leave my child in your care when you're hammered by lunchtime, thanks all the same!

My MIL has fleas all over her house, has dogs that scratch her other grandkids regularly, adds salt to every meal including for babies, used to beat my partner with a wooden pole as a young child and let her cats eat off of her plate and crawl around all of the surfaces. Not to mention the fact she doesn't like me because one time i thought cleaning her rug with DP while she was away was a nice gesture and she didn't. 😁 My DP doesn't challenge me when I say no. 🤣
changedmynameforChristmas · 12/12/2020 03:27

@prawntoastie

if not how does it effect your relationship

I'm going through this now. We have broken up and now I'm alone at xmas, I was not invited to her house. My dad doesn't like people round on xmas and my mum is not alive. Usually do spend it alone, at least this year I have a dog.

Why weren't you invited OP
justilou1 · 12/12/2020 04:05

Nope... and our kids hate her too.

lovelemoncurd · 12/12/2020 04:27

She's quite elderly now. We are very different people but she's always been a caring granny to my children and she's never interfered. Ideal really. We don't spend Xmas with her though. She has daughters.

NiceGerbil · 12/12/2020 04:51

I don't get it.

You have split up and have no kids. Why would you expect an invite?

In answer to the question. My MIL is dead. We were both strong personalities and got on ok. The main thing was the kids though. I'm very happy that we got them into the HDU and she got to cuddle them before she died. She was only in her fifties.

If you don't have kids I have no idea why you think you should be invited tbh

EnPoinsettia · 12/12/2020 04:55

Well enough, as far as it goes. She’s very introverted, only people in the family she really has anytime for are her GC.

The first year DH and I were together, she stopped having him over for Xmas, and obviously never asked me either.

Like “you’ve got your own woman now, so leave me alone”. I don’t think it’s me though, I think it would have been the same with anyone he got together with. I thought it was a bit odd to be so cut and dried, especially as both my parents are dead so it’s not like we’d go there for Christmas.

She either hosts SIL, BIL and their kids at her house or goes to theirs. Never asked us once and declined when DH asked her to ours. He pretends that didn’t hurt him but it did.

NiceGerbil · 12/12/2020 05:03

But OP. You have kids. You split up with your boyfriend

It's not usual to expect to maintain a relationship with his parents in those circs.

I don't get it.

Invisiblewoman1 · 12/12/2020 07:31

We’re you not invited due to covid? I didn’t spent Christmas with ex’s family for about 4 years. I don’t think it would bother me so I suspect there must be more to this

AuntyCandthefishfingersandwich · 12/12/2020 13:36

My MIL died a couple of years ago.
She was a terrible mother, alcoholic, self centred and neglectful.
Everything was about her.
She ran up depts and DH made himself ill trying to help sort them out.
She was a chore to all her kids and not one of them have missed her.

SMIL is okay, she doesn't interfere because she just doesn't care enough about us.
She is more concerned with how she looks to the outside world. It's of look how wonderful a patent, grandparent I am without actually doing anything. Lots of I treat everyone equally while doing the exact opposite.

My mum is definitely the nightmare MIL.

Caramel81 · 12/12/2020 13:41

She lives abroad so luckily hardly ever have to see her. We occasionally text and I’m always very nice and polite but I find her so annoying. We have nothing in common and she’s often very rude and loves to talk about herself. My mum is such a lovely, kind person who everyone gets along with so I find most people’s mums hard work in comparison

mamabearoz · 14/12/2020 05:15

I think my MIL doesn't like me, we've never had a real conversation about anything ... shrugs .. some days it bothers me - some days it doesn't. i never got on with my own mother so yea it hurts sometimes that i don't have a mom to talk to.

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