Can you really have a normal, healthy friendship with someone who has way more money than you?

[skintoid]

Because I am struggling.

( by SILLY i mean ridiculously wealthy!)

my wealthy friend always asks me how much the things that I buy cost. She is so into money it's horrible.
I often wonder if she would now be a friend if I was the one who was loaded.
I admit I have moved away from the friendship lots because it makes me feel so miserable. She goes on and on about her hloidays abroad and what she buys all the time. Her parents also buy them everything she wants. Her dad will just turn up with bikes for the children ect

Yes. As long as you each understand the reality of the other's life. As long as the one with no money doesn't get jealous and the one with pots of money doesn't forget that you can actually have none (some people with money think that when you say you're broke, you mean you're down to your last hundred or so )

If you are friends and are considerate and thoughtful towards one another, as friends should be, then money shouldn't come between you.

A nice person is a nice person no matter how much or little money they have.

Yes it is possible but it isn't always comfortable. My best friend in the UK is very rich, that is her parents are. The difference in wealth was always there though. She has always had things I have not had, like a BMW for her 21st birthday and so on.

It would maybe be more tricky now than it was when we were that age, because with dc I notice more the difference between what she can afford to provide her ds and what can I afford to provide for my dd IYSWIM. Since we're in different countries though and don't meet up that much, it isn't a huge problem.

Totally depends on you and the friends. I'd say we're sort of in the middle of our friends in terms of wealth and some handle the difference brilliantly and others just feel jealous and resentful.

Our mega rich friends nearly all have absent partners i.e. men work from 0630-2000 5 days a week so they know they have lots of material things but feel trapped by the money and few of them flaunt what they have. We still take round our £4-£5 bottle of wine and we all happily drink it together so money hasn't changed their personality. We also have 'aquaintances' that are living in a different world and constantly have to have the latest fashions, mix with the right people and it's all driven by deep deep insecurity in them...even have to have the biggest and best childrens parties. Sad really and we avoid them but not because they are rich.

As for the less well off friends...they're still our best mates and therefore we think before we act i.e. suggesting nights out, days out when we could just as easily have them round to ours and it would cost them nothing. I only have one friend who expresses her anger at her financial situation but she grew up believing that she was entitled to live a 'stay-at-home, private school, middle class existence' but that a man was going to hand her that on a plate.

I have a wealthy friend. Get regular invites to her 6 bedroom townhouse for dinner. I always have to apologise for not inviting them over to our 2 bedroom flat because 2 of us would have to sit at the table and 2 of us on the couch with the plates on our knees.

They are super-cool about it and I keep reminding them we are moving to a bigger place next year so I'll cook for them then.

Other than this little dilemma, we have no issues getting on whatsoever.

Also this friend works loads of hours and I only work 2 days a week which she says she would love to do.

So it works both ways.

at University I definitely did. The friendship with a billionaire's son wasn't actually healthy- but that was for other reasons (such as him being in denial about being gay etc!!).

It did piss me off when he would airily expect me to go out to dinner. Or worse, he would just not invite me, and I'd hear about his public school nights out later.

Also (god he really was an arse actually now I remember) he'd buy you gifts for no reason, then suddenly you would borrow a pad of paper and he would abruptly charge for it. As if he was mega aware of being 'exploited'.

~Am still friends with the old git though.

I live in a town which is known for its well-heeled prosperity. Sadly, due to fluctuations in fate and fortunes, dh and I are not prosperous
Basically, if it were impossible to have normal, healthy friendships with people with considerably more than us, we would have no friends, as we are definitely the 'poor relations' of almost everyone we know. We pretend we are green and ethical though - this disguises a multitude of embarassments.(ie growing own veg, buying from charity shops, holidaying in this country )
Though tbh, even if I were minted - I would still grow my own veg, recycle and freecycle, charity shop etc. Because its fun and I do hate conspicious consumption and waste

you've got to be comfortable in your own skin, neither envious nor greedy. Then it works fine.

We live in an area where most people have a lot more money than us. We have normal public sector jobs an an ordinary fairly average lifestyle but have many friends who are "old money" and there is no noticable difference between us, apart from their rather lovely plummy accents and the fact that they are even scruffier than us

I think though when people have "new money" and like to show it off and go on endlessly about their fab holidays, domestic staff and what new car they are buying, it can highlight the difference in lifestyle a bit too much as you can feel as though you have little in common with them. It also all gets a bit boring - lets face it, there are few things more boring than loud mouthed over-achievers

It is difficult, I have a fairly new friend who is not loaded by any means but is in a much healthier financial position than we are. I don't think we will ever become really good friends as money is already an issue she constantly wants to do things that I can't afford to do and when I suggest cheaper alternatives she gets miffed. I lost touch with most of my antenatal friends as they were always off on spa breaks or midweek breaks with the children and I could never afford to go.

I think you can but each side has to be a bit careful and sensitive. And things like meals out and holidays may be too difficult.

i do think you feel most comfortable with people in the same position as you so you can talk openly about things eg they understand if you get excited about the sales/primark/camping! i had one friend who made me feel crap when i said 'ooh the jigsaw sale is on' and she said 'i dont really need to shop in the sales' - ouch!

Depends on the friend. We are friends (not close, more cordial acquaintances) with a couple who literally think nothing of dropping 1,000 quid going out for dinner on a Tuesday night because they can't be bothered to cook (they like their very, very good wine. And their coke, it has to be said ). But they're just as happy to bring sausages to a BBQ, so that's how we socialise with them.

On the other hand, my friend who has an unbelievably high-flying job dresses like the earth-mother hippie she is and socialises at the rather grubby local pub. I'd actually known her for quite some time before I realised she was absolutely loaded.

Sometimes people honestly don't realise. When I first started going out with my now-husband, he was earning quite a bit more than me and I had to have an embarrassing chat to get us back onto the same financial page. We were going out for dinner three times a week and splitting the bills (my choice), and he really had no idea that I was having trouble keeping up and that we needed to start going to cheaper places.

I think maybe it is more about attitude to money that how much you have - I have friends who are quite well off - so can afford to buy clothes from nicer shops, etc but at the same time are quite "thrifty" - would only buy from said shops during sales (I probably can't even afford the sales!)

Other people who probably don't have any more money than me spend far more (credit/running up debts) - probably find it harder to bite my tongue about that sort of thing!