Opinions appreciated

[owlorpenguin]

If your husband dramatically said to you 'can I get a drink of water because I didn't eat or drink all day yesterday' and you then saw packaging in the car for a Mcdonalds meal he had last night, what would your reaction be?

I said 'so you did eat......' and he launched into a rant.

'I meant I didn't eat all day UNTIL the evening. Why would I lie about that? I would have hidden the packaging if I wanted to lie etc etc'

This seems almost childish when written down but the bigger picture that it's linked to isn't. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

I would really appreciate opinions, ignoring the back story if possible. In my mind he's talking nonsense and has lied.

He sounds like my six year old.

Can I have a biscuit it's been such a long time since lunch Mummy.

Well yes I did eat 2 wagon wheels but they were soon after lunch so really they were just pudding. I meant I haven't eaten anything since the Wagon Wheels.

It doesn’t sound like anything to get worked up about. I guess the big picture is needed.

Is there a reason he can't get himself a drink?

I'd probably get irrationally infuriated by it.
But my ex was a gaslighting asshole so I have a low bar for stupid behaviour

Shox, We were having a discussion when he said this.

I think he does gaslight/mess with my head which is why I've posted.

I don't see this behaviour as functional
adult behaviour but I'm doubting myself.

If the bigger picture is constant lying, big or small, and gaslighting, you need to end it. It won’t get any better. Take it from someone who knows!

I'm Literally Staaaarving to death! Doubt it, sunshine.

Very confusing...he's an adult...whether he eats or drinks during the day is his own concern. Also no idea why he asked you for a glass of water

Formerbabe, we had had a disagreement and were discussing it when he said this.

Well, either could be true. He said he didn't eat all day meaning before the evening or it could mean literally nothing all day. That in itself could be a misunderstanding. The rant and the dramatically asking for a glass of water are different mattera all together. It sounds like he's trying to make you feel guilty as he sees you solely responsible for making him food and drinks. Which obviously needs dealing with.

During the same discussion, he said he couldn't drop our car to the garage as he had a big deadline at work. I said I could go with him in my car to get him home quicker and it was his decision and to tell me what he wanted to do.

We went and then whilst out he said 'I need to pop into a shop to pick up an order'

I thought we were rushing back because of his work. To which his reply was 'well we're out now, work will have to wait'

Help, I feel like I'm dealing with a confused manipulative toddler but maybe it's me. I don't know anymore.

My wife will say she didn't eat all day having grabbed something on the train home, she means she didn't have breakfast or lunch. it's never crossed my mind to have an argument about it.

He's messing with your head but I don't think it's on purpose but just the way he is. I couldn't live with someone like that.

notdaddycool, he said he hadn't eaten anything all day and I wouldn't have thought differently if I hadn't seen the packaging. We haven't argued about this. He ranted but I'm not arguing with him.

Thanks for commenting. So grateful for all perspectives.

It sounds a bit like gaslighting to me TBH. It sounds like your first post takes a single incident and therefore it's a bit out of context.
He's a fully functioning adult so if he wanted something to eat or drink that's entirely up to him surely? No need to get all dramatic over a glass of water.
As a single incident I'd put it down to him being in a bad mood and probably ignore it. However if this behaviour is frequent then I'm not surprised you can't see the wood for the trees and i think you may have an issue.
Have a Google about F.O.G.

Thanks lifestooshort. I think he's wired to 'lie'. He always been like this if I'm honest but I feel so drained and am questioning myself.

Does he think you should provide all food and drink? Like he's a toddler and you're his mum? Or it's your job as you are a woman?

I think his answer to what you said was reasonable, he was explaining what he meant, no need to rant of course. But I generally don’t understand your post or the context including why you need to get him a glass of water because he didn’t eat for most of the day prior.

He expected you to forget the row and fall all sympathetic at his starvation..

What kind of rolesdo you have? Does he treat you like a nosey, controlling parent? I don't know why anyone would dramatically ask their partner to get them water. They know where the tap is. If you're planning on staying in this relationship, I would break out of this role you've found yourself playing.

Your post is clearly not just about this one McDonald's meal. It's about a pattern of behaviour that is causing lots of problems. To me, you seem like you're at the end of your rope and you don't know if you're coming or going. It shouldn't be this hard, op, and I don't think you have any trust or faith in him. Is this what you want for the rest of your life?

Try disengaging. Stop taking an interest in his plans, habits or routines. Are you working full-time OP? I'm getting the impression not, and he is playing the hard-done provider "I'm so busy" role. If you actually like him and want to stay with him, you getting a full-time job and having your own earning power might make these issues disappear.