Dh keeps snapping for no reason

[Lardlizard]

Snapping as in the way he talks to me
Then last night I soad don’t tlak to me like that your snapping at me
Then that led to a big row

I don’t see him snapping at family n friends that way
Only people that work for him

He sounds awful to you and the people who work for him. He is snapping for a reason, because he is a bully, he realises that maybe the relationship isn't going his way and that he trying to order you about, it's up to you to decide that you won't put up with it.

All we were talking about was ds swimming lessons nothing major

If this is his reaction when you start to talk to him about something as innocuous as your son's swimming lessons, I would be wondering what life is like for you within this household day to day.

Would you want your son as an adult to treat his partner like you are being treated?. No you would not. Its not good enough for you or your son for that matter.

You understand it is a problem that he speaks to ANYBODY like that?

It won’t be for no reason. It will be because he has not learnt adequate coping mechanisms for stress.

He says what do you mean by snapping ? Then I explain what it is him literally being snappy and ride with his voice his tone and his manner

But he can obviously not do it when he wants to though

Rude

He went out to his hobby last night too, so he spent the evening doing what he wanted

Rude. Don’t stand for it

Have you accidentally married a turtle?

Well he’s flounced off this morning in the hump

When did you notice the change? Has it been a gradual change or a sudden change?

Gradual over years

The behaviour of someone who thinks he can treat you badly.

Up to you to put him straight.

I experienced that but it was so gradual I didn't really notice at the time, just felt like I had to tread on eggshells. With the benefit of hindsight, I think now that his change in attitude did appear to coincide with him meeting a woman I suspected he probably fancied at the time. Looking back, I can now describe it as feeling like I had been usurped in some way - like all the respect he'd previously given me was being re-directed. Do you feel like that?

I do put him straight
Then it turns into a row and how he’s in a huff !!

No I don’t think he’s interested in anyone else as he’s not a flirt and he’s not great at small talk etc
I just think he thinks he can get away with it
Obviously I tell him to not speak to me like that
Then like I said that turned in a row
And now he’s in a huff

So what do I do now ?
Ignore that fact he’s in a strop
Or what

I'd take him aside when he is speaking to you again, sit him down and say 'look, what was that all about? Theres no excuse for the way you spoke to me the other day. Or to have thrown a strop afterwards. I hope you know that now. I want you to know that you can talk with me if you are stressed out in future but not take it out on me. I think you owe me an appology and I think you absolutely need to buck up your ideas in the future because i wont stand for it'.

If he is anything less than sheepish and apologetic, I'd ditch him.

Hi Op, could you sit down with him when all has cooled down, in a calm place (don't know where that is at the moment with all the Covid restrictions ) in the middle of the day, face to face, and discuss what is going on. Ask him is he under stress, what is it that makes him snap - etc.

Then, you decide how to move forward. If there is work stress, can he change his mindset, change how he approaches things, change his role? If it is that he hates family life - well then at least you know.

If there is no answer, then you need to decide how you want your life to be and plan accordingly, and tell him what is and is not acceptable behaviour towards you.

Thanks both that is sensible
Advice, I will try that tonight

I will report back and let you know what happens

It won’t hurt me to start to think of exit routes though

You need to think about what is acceptable for you.
Are you prepared to put up with this.

Definitely speak to and ask him to explain clearly whatvis goibg on, however if he is dismissive of you and how he behaves I would take that as he no longer wishes to be married and I would be adjusting my behaviour.

This is an awful atmosphere for children to grow up in.

Do you work?
If not, start organising yourself and your financial situation.
Get organised so that you feel stronger.
Also seek support IRL from friends and family.

You do not have to accept his treatment of you.
You deserve better.

He doesn’t do it all the time
But it’s seriously making me think about things
And getting my ducks in a row is never a bad idea

So I spoke to him tonight, calmly and he said he didn’t realise he was doing it and that he was sorry then gave me a hug

Yes, organising yourself gives you a palpable sense of control.

No one needs someone in their life who speaks to them with contempt.

He speaks to you like shit and then has a tantrum when you tell him it's not acceptable.

He sounds awful, it certainly is the stuff that kills a marriage dead.

Good for you for not putting up with it.