Hi everyone,
This is a trigger warning - this post involves childhood sexual abuse (no details are shared). And apologies in advance for a bit of a long story.
My partner of 8 years disclosed to me 2 years ago that he was sexually abused when he was 7, by a stranger. This happened on a holiday with his mum and sister, by a complete stranger, in a bathroom.
He confided in me on a background of multiple hellish nights where he started drinking, didnt know when to stop, got very drunk and verbally abusive. On one occasion the police were called because of concerns about his safety. I had truly been on the verge of leaving him, the only thing holding me back was that he is an incredibly kind person and an amazing partner, these nights were really his only flaw - this was the night we got home and he told me what had happened to him, and really it all clicked into place.
Our relationship has been so much better since then, however he is still very unhappy and struggling to seek the help he needs.
Anyway, after a long time being tee total, he had a massive blow out on Saturday just past and ended up getting arrested. This was his "rock bottom" and he is now determined not to go on as he is. He already speaks to a counsellor once a week and is also on waiting list for psychologist.
The reason I am posting this is that we both agree it is time his mum knew what had happened. You can imagine she has been incredibly worried about the above events and does not understand why it happens, or why he is so unhappy. Clearly she will be extremely distressed but the only way she will ever understand him and be able to support him is if she knows.
We have both agreed that it would be better coming from me, rather than directly from him. I have agreed to speak to her. We are spending Xmas with her but obviously don't want to tell her on Xmas day, she is in a different region so we can't visit before then (I am too busy with work to go through before then anyway). I personally feel it would be better if she knows now, rather than putting it off until after Xmas, so I am thinking about telling her over the phone.
How should I approach this? Send her a "warning shot" text first? I appreciate this is very hard question to answer about people you don't remotely know, but I wonder whether others have been in a similar situation and had to break such awful news to a family member?
TIA x