Negative people getting me down

[Frustrated447]

I'm in a job surrounded by patronising, passive aggressive bullies. I am applying for jobs, but a lot of people doing the interviewing are just plain rude, and it is the worst feeling getting to final stage interview, only to be rejected by people you would not want to work with anyway.

At home, I have a wonderful family, but my boyfriend is non committal and can be a harsh critic (he thinks he's being honest and realistic).

I am a smart, accomplished professional, and an optimistic, loving person. Despite this, I am not getting much back in return professionally or personally, and it is starting to get me down.

I have great friends, and good family, so that's the real life support that I need to draw on, but I am worried about possibly becoming a moaner. I am usually the fun, strong, positive one.

As I am spending so much time indoors, I am not exercising as much as I would want to, and the dark evenings are putting me off going out. My hobbies are all outdoors dependent.

I am starting to feel so low and wanted some support on here, and ideas on what I can do to mitigate how I feel.

Thank you for reading

I find it interesting thst you dont include your boyfriend in your support. Is he good in other areas? Is it just with work that hes not very supportive?

You mention job interviews - what is happening that you find rude?

It is shocking the level of assholery in the workplace. I do not understand how people can be so mean, so rude to each other. It is hard not to internalize it.

So, I hear you!

I would maybe look closer to home.

Your “harsh critic” BF’s opinion is the distorted lens through which you seem to be viewing the workplace - where your self worth (as decided by him) is decimated and you are triggered to a defensive stance.

What positivity does he bring to your life?

allStrictlyAFemaleFemale Is he good in other areas? Is it just with work that hes not very supportive?

Few other areas he's critical. I think I will end up leaving when I am in a better place, with a new job, and once our restrictions lift, and I'm able to properly resume my life with friends, hobbies etc. I'm in a vulnerable place at the moment and I want to make small changes that I will be able to cope with, if that makes sense.

You mention job interviews - what is happening that you find rude?

When interviewers don't greet you when you join a zoom interview, and appear to be going through the motions. Some are very stressed and cold. Some never get back to you. I've only had one good interview experience so far, but that was for a role that I was far too over qualified for. I interview in my current role and there is no way I would treat candidates with such disrespect.

I don't understand why people can't be civil and engaging, if they can't be friendly.

Know the feeling. If theres not an asshole in one workplace, theres two in the next.

I was just thinking how the staff in my new job seem good and this very obvious overt malignant narcissist showed up on the next shift. She is utterly vile. Picked a loud argument right infront of the manager and he said nothing too so thats worrying.

And she was giving me shark eyes throughout the shift (sizing me up to see if I'm a suitable target). So that's worrying.

I really dont want to be around vile people anymore. I don't think theres enough money in the world to make it worthwhile. If she proves trouble then I will leave.

Keep up the jobhunting, hopefully you'll find a new one soon!

Sssloou What positivity does he bring to your life?

He's not all bad, but I have noticed he's not as supportive as he could be at times. Sometimes he's very supportive. He has very black and white thinking. Not excusing him at all. I know he is also having an impact through him being unsure about our relationship, and being a critic when he thinks he's just being honest.

Thanks Bunnymumy I'm just so tired with these people, and how they are mostly enabled in the workplace too.

Why can't people just be civil and professional.

Yeh it's really frustrating. They seem to get away with stuff that no one else would. As if because they are horrible as a default it is somehow just to be overlooked :/

I'm practicing my very best, calm 'please do not speak to me like that' incase it'll come I handy.

I know he is also having an impact through him being unsure about our relationship, and being a critic when he thinks he's just being honest.

Sounds like he has got you exactly where he wants you - anxious and on your toes - whilst he blows just enough hot and cold to keep you unsettled.

Anyone deserves better than this.

How long have you been together? Do you have children together? What’s the set up and your aspirations for the RS?

Bunnymumy Sounds like a plan!

Sssloou been together 18 months, so not that long. No kids. He knows he's punching, and he clearly also has a fear of intimacy that he is doing nothing about. This has plagued all of his relationships. I've tried leaving quite a few times, but he crumbles and always wants me back. Despite not being sure He does offer support, which is better than nothing, and we regularly go out, which is good for me during lockdown, we go for walks etc. Both live alone so we have formed a support bubble. We talk several times a day.

Sounds like you have the measure of him cognitively but still fall for his emotional manipulation. Might want to think carefully about your boundaries and triggers.

Sounds like a very draining and unsatisfying way to live which is slowly eroding your self esteem outside of the RS at work as well. Is this better than nothing? Why is “nothing” or this option all you deserve?

Is he jealous of your career?

Note that the “support” he offers is just enough to confuse you and keep you.

If you want children and a content, warm emotionally stable future don’t sleep walk into anything with this passive aggressive character as he is out to undermine and sabotage you by stealth.

Sssloou has nailed it.