Moving on is very painful

[Christmashappy]

I have recently split with a narcissist, I felt like I still loved him and I am finding the split really painful.
I have felt sick for 3 months and all I can think of is good memories with him none of the bad.
I can't sleep properly and all I can think of is all the things we won't do again and the fact that I think he will move on soon with someone I suspected him of liking all along.

Sorry 3 weeks not months

Sorry to hear you're feeling sad but I think you are romantiscising the good times and not thinking about why you split maybe?? So what if he moves on with someone else, he is obviously not a good person and it is better to be on your own than unhappy with him. You will be happy in time and most likely find someone so much better. You'll only regret the time you wasted feeling sad about him. It is hard though but it will pass. Have you got some real life support?? I've found my friends/family to be the best help and I always feel better after a good chat, even if just for a little bit

I'm sorry to read how hurt you are and understand the "good memories" thing.
But what needs to be also remembered are all the other times when you felt edgy, needy, upset, bewildered, you get what I mean.

Just a hand to hold really. mine dumped me at the weekend.

Try to have a small something to eat, I'm sure it will help just a bit.

Same.. wish I didn't feel like this.

When they move on it will be someone else's pain and not yours. You are free now but just haven't quite realised how lucky you are OP

I felt like this but you just have to thole it. Mine did move on and have a child with the next woman very quickly and it was a kick in the guts at the time but I feel nothing but sympathy for her she has split up with him 3 years down the line. Time is a great healer. Try not to give oxygen to the good memories. Write a list of the horrible stuff he did.

@Aintnosunshinewhenimgone
Thanks for the advice.
No one knew we were back together, so its hard to talk to people.
I have two children, not with him and a puppy and I just feel useless.
I got the pup for me and my kids and I knew it would be the end of the relationship and I felt positive but since it has happened I feel awful and even found myself resenting the pup.
Its a horrible place to be and I feel ashamed of myself

@notsurewhattodo22
Are you okay x

Thanks for asking...

It's been about 4 weeks for me now since we last spoke. I went from crying all the time to now just crying a bit everyday, it's horrible. He didn't treat me well really....but I did consider him my best friend and a huge part of my life has gone. I really thought he cared about me...which he's now shown he could have taken or left me...he left.

He was dismissive/ avoidant and I was a nervous wreck most of the time. I still miss him so much though.

How are you doing now? X

@notsurewhattodo22
It sounds like we are in the same place.
I am extremely anxious.
Mine didn't treat me well at all but its hard to break all the habits xx

I'm so sorry, Christmas. It's terribly hard when a relationship with someone whom you loved, has ended. I promise you that you will recover and be wiser but these things take their own time.

Cry as much as you like, let it all out. Pamper yourself.

In time you will see that it wouldn't have lasted which I know is not much help to you now but it is true.

@MsFenellaFielding
I hope you are okay.
How are you feeling x

Hey joining as feel awful today. Have put a brave face on for work all day and have just had a good old cry. Hate seeing all the Christmas stuff and couples about.. This was supposed to be a great Christmas😔

Horrible we are all in this position.

Is it normal to still be crying daily after a month? I feel so stupid 😥 I can guarantee he's not really given me a second thought.

@heom45
Sorry to hear you are feeling this way too.
I think Christmas is making it feel so much worse.
X

Hi all. I'm three months in, it's gone by in a blur. I was crying everyday, crying myself to sleep. It got easier with time especially once I got my head around what he was really like. Thought I'd turned the corner in last few weeks but found out he has a new girlfriend. I see him for who he was, how shit he often made me feel, how unhappy I was at times, but it still feels so painful.

Thanks and sorry to hear everyones so sad still. I cannot believe mine is him just being pure stubborn, I've never met a man so immature.
Hugs to you all.

I'm trying to focus on the fact the person I loved didn't really exist. Easy in theory but much more difficult in practice. I recognize what he did to me, how he treated but still get hit with waves of emotions.

Scrapper I get that. Its so hard to think that person who you loved and wouldn't treat like this would do to you. 1 day at a time.. I keep telling myself that and it doesn't always go to plan

For me it was trauma bonding and being codependent with him. 3.5 years on and sometimes I still long for his love - I have made progress with journaling and counselling, and above all breaking the thought patterns by imposing reality, saying “no, it was terrible for years”. (it really was bad for the last 10 years of our 17 year relationship!)

It’s harder if you have to see them all the time for the dc.

You’re not alone

Gosh, three weeks is nothing

You are sad for the man you wanted to have, not the man you actually had. And if he does move on soon, then you should feel sorry for his next victim.

What can you do for yourself to feel better today? What would he have stopped you from doing? For one, you can have some lovely snuggles with your puppy!

My exdh cheated on me last year. We tried to make a go of out but it was clear his head wasn’t in the game.
At this moment in time I feel really good. I’ve quit drinking and that has had such a positive effect on me. I’ve started journaling. So whenever I get thoughts of him I write it down. Great to look back on. I used Headspace App to do Mindfulness meditation and I binge watch a lot of non romantic tv shows.
For the majority of this year I have being a mess. My mental health was horrendous but since I stopped drinking it’s like a switch has being flipped!
I used the drinking to make me feel better but it just made me ten times worse

I understand this!

Yesterday I wrote a list of stuff I wouldn't have if we stayed together. All quite superficial and material but it helped.

I remind myself that the first part of a relationship is limerence and there was some fine future faking too. It was an illusion. If he didn't get his own way he'd be a right moody sod.

My kids weren't wild about him. We had one hobby in common but apart from that it was just stolen kisses and pillow talk. It wasn't a sustainable, reliable love.

I have listened to podcasts, had counselling, read books etc but it is still bloody hard to move on. Especially when I see he's with someone new. He's repeating a pattern of love bombing now and my rational brain knows it's better we're apart (I ended it). But then I get wistful and just feel I miss him. I make sure I don't listen to songs etc that remind me of him. I don't go pain shopping.

Time will heal!

Thanks for all the kind words. I really wish this pain would subside.
He has been openly flirting with the girl I have accused him of flirting with fot the last 2 years and the pain is unearable.
X