Feel like an idiot-handhold needed

[Brokenchair1]

Just feeling a bit shit and could do with an unmumsnetty hug.

About 2 yrs ago I met someone OLD. Together around 6 months before he dumped me. I seriously thought he was the one and like the idiot I was I agreed to carry on sleeping with him thinking he'd change his mind. This has been going on now for 18 months with occasional meetups and also frequently chatting via WhatsApp.

So today he asked if I fancied meeting up again for sex. I was honest and said that I felt that I was struggling with my feelings for him and that maybe it wasn't a good idea to keep sleeping together.

His response? Pretty much, OK then bye.

After two years? I feel absolutely gutted that i meant so little to him. I've basically been a hole for him for the last year. Nothing, no I'll miss you etc.

I'm in my 40s, feel like i should know a lot better, feel so upset right now and feel like I'm done with dating.

I'm sorry op, that's tough to take.
I don't have much word of wisdom, apart from he doesn't deserve you, and if a partner is what your looking for then don't allow this 1 man to take away your future happiness.

First,
Second, good for you for being honest and speaking up! You now have your answer and while it may really sting to hear, you can now regroup and move forward. The way I see it you have barely wasted much time at all. This has been a lost year for most of us, he provided some nice companionship via WhatsApp, and now you can move on to better things!

Well done on thinking about yourself and doing the right thing. I know you’re stinging, but getting away from this user was the best thing you could’ve done. Be nice to yourself and stay strong in case he thinks he’ll try again in a few weeks. You deserve much more.

He's done you a favour really. Block him and move on. Sorry you feel shit about it though

It was your choice to become his fuck buddy. He's made his position clear - no sex? Byeeeeee!

At least he wasn't stringing you along promising a relationship sometime in the future....when he was ready.......blah blah blah.

Lesson learned. Back to dating with new boundaries when you're feeling stronger.

Really not a pleasant man is he? but looking on it as a positive as you are now free in your head to look for someone more compatible with what you want in terms of a relationship , don't dwell on this looser move on

Thanks. It's really helpful with all these messages and will get me through the day.

I'm actually really proud of myself that for the first time I was able to say no and realise the effect it was having on my emotional well-being always being available. It hurts like fuck but PP are right. Now I can move on with better boundaries.

Why did i still think he was going to turn around and say he loved me 😂 He'd had 18 months to make his mind up

He threw enough crumbs to keep you interested and focused on him via the messaging. I'd block him now, as a final act of freedom.

Come here for support when you need it.

Well Im sorry to hear that.Some men really are Bastards .They will keep you dangling so they can have some "No Strings Sex" (Is there a worse analogy I wonder?)I think you will feel sore for a while ,however have a good few large Sherries/Baileys/Bloody big G and Ts! to get through Christmas .Maybe in the New Year Dip your toes in the water again.No rush though .I think in time it will be better as you are not kept hoping ,Is it just me or do Men have a constant supply of OLD and just keep using it like a sweetie shop?!

Thanks
Yes crumbs is definitely the right word. Cuddles after sex etc making me feel special. I was under no illusion that he had any feelings but still, expected a bit more after all this time.

Well done for breaking the cycle. It hurts now but once you feel ready you’re free to find someone worth your time.

If this one comes back to try again keep in mind that “ok then, bye” moment - it’ll help remind you that he’s a bit shite and doesn’t appreciate you enough to even be kind.