Partner no interest in my biopsy

[WouldBeGood]

So.. I’ve had unexplained bleeding and stuff and been waiting for investigation since January. Today I had an outpatient hysteroscopy abd biopsy

Sorry to hear that OP. Is your partner uninterested in results or unsupportive about you going through the tests?
Wishing you good news OP.

Oops.. posted too soon. It was ok but unpleasant and I’m exhausted and now a bit worried as they’ve requested urgent results. I don’t live with DP but he’s been very offhand. No offers of help tonight with tea or dogs, I’m a single mum so need to run everything.

I think he’s wary as his ex died of cancer, and I see that, but it now feels like one more thing I need to deal with alone. I’m thinking if the news is bad I won’t tell him.

AIBU to feel a bit sad?

You can feel however you like and I don’t blame you for feeling alone.
Does he have a clue that you might want some extra support? Maybe he didn’t see the test itself as that big a thing. (I can see my DH being a bit like that. He also tends to hide his head in the sand and wait and see for results! Dozy bugger. )

Yes, it is quite likely to be that! He’s quite interested in his own health issues but can be a little insensitivity about mine as I’m usually the hale and hearty one. My grown up dd ignored it too, and I guess I’d have liked to have a wee bit of tlc. I was very brave at the procedure😃

I can only offer to send you some virtual TLC! Sorry.
I just get on with most things so have to specifically ask if I want DH to do something I would normally do.
Isn’t the urgent results thing a normal request? TMI alert but I have lumpy boobs and that was dealt with as an urgent thing.
Hoping it rules out anything scary.
In the mean time. DEMAND some TLC in RL!

Thank you. I’m a get on with things person too but have been hit with worry after being pretty cavalier. I think it’s cos of the delay and I’ve been bleeding on and off for half a year

Hoping the delay won’t matter a bit and the bleeding can be easily explained. (I ended up on the pill to prevent weird hormonal bleeding!)
Hope you have a reassuring answer soon.

Thank you...

sorry you feel upset. does your partner understand there is a chance it's cancer? Have you told him?

It is most likely not cancer. Odd bleeding is very common and I'm assuming if you have had to wait a year you are no post menopause and it wasn't considered urgent. (women post meno are seen within 2 weeks.) Cancer of t he uterus is very rare in women not in post menopause . As for urgent results- this will be the norm for any biopsy where they look for cancer- it's not because they think it's cancer.

Maybe you need to tell your dp you are a bit upset?

I did tell him I was a little anxious and that it was unpleasant.

It’s long and boring story but I was put on the two week path in February but, Covid you know. I know anything bad is unlikely, and haven’t really been bothered, until today. There was an air of concern.

It’s not necessarily DPs fault, but it did lead me to question whether I’d tell him if it were ti be bad news.

I have a history of trauma and looking after others, and just an offer of waking my dogs or making me tea would have been nice.

Take care of yourself first. Lean on any friends or family who will be supportive.

Try to put aside what he is or isn't doing until after you get yourself sorted.

Thank you. I think I don’t really have anyone else, hence posting here

Hand hold and gentle hugs. Keep posting.
How soon before they give you a result?

I’m not sure. I think it’s just me falling into old patterns.. if it’s him I’d drive him, make him dinner. Maybe food for thought.

Could not rely on him if I did get something. He’s lovely most of the time though! But he’s nursed his wife and perhaps reasonably doesn’t want to go there again.

Does your grown-up DD live with you?

Does she actually know what it's all about?

He isn’t you, this is who he is and he isn’t the offering type. If you need support then ask for it.

It never ceases to amaze me that OP’s acknowledge that their partners are selfish but are surprised when they act selfishly.

Given that your DD has responded in a similar way, suggests that you aren’t good at articulating your needs and you don’t appear to attract or nurture the type of individuals who match or mirror your emotional values.

Let your upset be the catalyst for accepting better and that starts with articulating your needs.