I am the OW

[Bamboozeld]

Been seeing someone for a couple of years we both have kids.
He separated from his wife years ago but claims he’s started divorced proceeding very recently.
He’s also now decided he can’t trust me and I’ve lied about a male friend - it’s true I did have this person as a friend at the start of the relationship and only ever a friend but after nights out with this friend in a group setting it felt like an inappropriate friendship to have when in a relationship, because we were close as I’ve known him for years so I distanced myself but did exchange a few innocent messages which he found said I deceived him intentionally. That I have no morals and we have such different backgrounds as I too social. Whatever that means, I don’t flirt and barely talk to anyone when I go out except the people I am with as I’ve never been interested in picking up random strangers in bars.

I’ve been in bits going over and over if I really did do anything wrong as he now doesn’t think we can have a relationship because of my deception and lying by carrying on this friendship as he thinks we were too close.

He kept our relationship a secret from everyone except for a few friends which now makes me think I’ve been taken for a fool and is using this to end things.

He sounds very controlling. So many red flags here.

Telling you who you can be friends with? Going through your messages? Gaslighting you that it's your fault? Getting angry and saying that it's because you have no morals ?

It reads like the start of a docu-drama on domestic violence.

How are you the other woman if he's been separated from his wife for years? Sorry I am lost?
Is it that you think he wasn't separated from her after all?

Please don't let your children see anybody treat you like this

Sorry that meant to read AM I the other woman !

Yes, he kept this a complete secret bar a few people

that I have no morals

He is in no position to be questioning your morals, is he?

He claims it doesn’t matter as he was separated but he still was very much involved because of his kids who are late twenties early thirties.

He’s ripped my entire life apart piece by piece telling me because I’ve made so many poor decisions he doesn’t know if I will be able to change so the future we planned together won’t happened and it because of me and my behaviour and my behaviour with this friend when we were out. I’ve never fancied this person in the slightest but we were very close so I can see how he felt threatened. He says I’ve made a fool of him and I’m not the person he thought he was in love with.

Look at how he is making you feel? He sounds like he's trying to control you.
Move on you can do better.

He doesn’t trust you.
All that you being too social or different background blah blah is just telling you that he doesn’t trust you will remain faithful to him forever more. That you will kick him aside once the next best thing comes along. He wants to cut his losses now.

It’s impossible to build a relaxed happy relationship without that solid 100% trust.

There was no affair physical or emotional

There is another woman. When his divorce comes through he will turn right around and marry her.

@GeorgiaGirl52

I feel sick

This is not your fault, none of it. He is trying to get you to change your behaviour - which there is nothing wrong with. He is a man with issues who is making unreasonable demands and pointing the finger to deflect from the wrong treatment he's been fishing out to you, and you are falling for it. Making you feel guilty is he? Stopped a platonic friendship? Blaming you for daring to to have a friend of the opposite sex - how dare you, such a sin- not! He's got you tied in knots when you have done absolutely nothing wrong, and for that, he should be dumped, from a great height.

Thank you for all your comments it’s helped me make the decision to step away now as it’s not healthy.

Good, the sooner you get rid of this nasty prick, the better.