Struggling to know what to do.

[Winterblu3]

My boyfriend has depression. He has been to the worst places in the past and now is what he says happier than he was before. But he still struggles.

When we met in February this year we fell in love pretty fast. We just click and we are very opposite. Which I think makes us get this lovely balance if that makes sense?

He was open about his past and struggles and I massively respected him for that. I understand these things don't always go away completely but felt confident he was in a good place now.

Over the last four days he's been quieter. But still nice. We don't live together yet but I think we would be considering that by the end of next year.

I could just feel all weekend he was off. Just distant. Quiet. Sleeping alot.

This morning he messaged me to apologise for how he's been the last few days. He told me he's been struggling and he didn't want to say anything. So I called him rather than text. He was at work so I couldn't go to his house. We chatted. He said he didn't want me to think any less of him or that he wasn't good enough for me. He said he just gets like this sometimes and it's really hard.

The thing is I've been so anxious about him the last few days. I have been thinking about what this really means. I want to be there for him. But right now he hasn't got the energy in him to give me much. He wants me to stick by him and I want too. It's not his fault he has mental health. But I also hate how I feel when he's not himself. It makes me question the future. How can I be with someone who can be down and out for days when I have children? Have I got the energy to be up and down and never quite knowing where he is at emotionally? Two years ago he overdosed. What if he goes back there again?

I'm finding it so hard because I can't switch my feelings off. I am scared of ending it as what will that do to him?

I am scared of ending it as what will that do to him?

That is not a good reason to continue a relationship.

Never stay in a relationship due to guilt
Also how have you built a relationship without actually seeing and physically being in each other company ?

Moving in after meeting in Feb is too soon

Is he actively seeking help ?
That would make all the difference to me?
Does he have a formal diagnosis?
Does he do things to help himself exercise and avoiding drink and drugs?
How long has this been going on
Maybe the diagnosis is worse than just depression as he was so open about the depression maybe there is more news ?

Never sacrifice your future on the altar of someone else's MH problems.

Hi. Yes he was in hospital after his suicide attempt. He never drinks since and is on medication.

I just feel this horrible anxious feeling under my ribs about it. Because it's like high to low all the time. When he's good. He's really good. He sends me holiday ideas. We talk about music. We chat until the early hours and laugh at allsorts. But when he's low he's off for hours sleeping and I just can't shake of that gut feeling of not being able to trust him with my love.

I feel like ending it will be crushing. We've had the best few months and most of it has made me really happy.

But I'm starting to think taking the plunge and feeling the burn of it ending now might be easier than problem after problem. I don't want to be in a cycle of up and down. It's draining my energy and I've realised that's where I'm possibly heading.

Ofcourse I've met him. We've been meeting up alot when not in Lockdown. Even in lockdown as he's single I can see him.

Must also add he's 12 years older than me. So I'm starting to think do I want to be dragged down with this.

He has so many nice parts of him. He just struggles. He deserves to be happy but I don't think I'm the right person. I hurt too easily and I'm not one to be casual. It's either real feelings or none.

I think I need to deal with it. It makes me feel sick to think of it as we've been in contact everyday and he often makes me happy.

I could have written your post although I've been with my partner 12 years. The down time are still very difficult. I am exhausted, frustrated and anxious during periods where he is suicidal. When he gets better I am euphoric and grateful but I feel I lose (tolerance) and gain (strength) with each cycle. The periods of wellness do however still make up for the down times. I hurt less now than I used to. At times I don't recognise who I've become. At other times I feel complete by him.
I came to post to tell you to stop now and leave. But I'm not sure if that helps. I wonder can you imagine yourself in ten years time having done ten cycles or more.

But I'm starting to think taking the plunge and feeling the burn of it ending now might be easier than problem after problem. I don't want to be in a cycle of up and down. It's draining my energy and I've realised that's where I'm possibly heading

You have good instincts -listen to them.

@User85630296481

But I'm starting to think taking the plunge and feeling the burn of it ending now might be easier than problem after problem. I don't want to be in a cycle of up and down. It's draining my energy and I've realised that's where I'm possibly heading

You have good instincts -listen to them.

Just wanted to second this. Your gut is giving you a gift - listen to it.

“Must also add he's 12 years older than me. So I'm starting to think do I want to be dragged down with this.

He has so many nice parts of him. He just struggles. He deserves to be happy but I don't think I'm the right person. I hurt too easily and I'm not one to be casual. It's either real feelings or none.”

Just echoing @User85630296481 and @youvegottenminuteslynn - you are showing very good self-awareness and very healthy instincts and boundaries. It will hurt to say goodbye but it will only become more difficult over time. @Walkingwithcats speaks from experience and has told you to end the relationship.

It’s sad and you will grieve but your future self will thank you - which is what your gut is telling you now.