AIBU - sister’s reaction to my life choices

[SecretSister]

For context, I am several years younger than my sister, and have been married for 2 years, with DH for 5 years before that and currently pregnant with first baby.

I saw my sister over the weekend (outside, within restrictions!) and she felt the need to offload her feelings about my pregnancy - saying things like “you don’t seem too happy to be pregnant” “you’re too young to have a baby” and my personal favourite, “well I suppose you rushed your engagement, it would follow that you’d rush into having a baby”

I was a bit taken aback at the comments over the weekend and didn’t really react at the time, when I know I should have said something. It feels like she’s passing judgement on my life choices, but I don’t know why. I don’t know how to tackle this without looking insensitive towards our (very different) life choices or causing WW3.

Any advice would be appreciated, I’m at a loss as to what would be the best route forward.

She's jealous

If she is not with anyone at present ,she will probably feel a little left behind I would think .Try to just smile and nod .Often (not always) girls can go into their 30s. And not meet the "right" guy for all sorts of reasons, and she may be panicking about finding him or being left on the shelf so to speak.(Dont know if that is a thing nowadays or not though)

Every time she says something like this, why not try saying in response, "Why do you say that?". In a very neutral tone. Or just an interested tone. As if you find that a really interesting thought .

Get her to explain herself.

I agree it sounds like she is envious. Shame she can't be happy for you and enjoy being an auntie.

Sounds like jealously and anyway its your life not hers.
Enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations

She is jealous as hell and frightened in case things don't work out in the same way for her. When a younger sibling seems to be 'ahead' in the real life-stage stuff, it's hard. Add in what seems to be her rather superior bossy personality and - wham.

You know this, and at some level she will probably think you know it too and that will make her even more furious.

Given this, being the bland peacemaker doesn't put you at a disadvantage really. You can afford to just bat things off with 'Really? I'm fine, maybe everyone seems a bit more distracted at the moment what with Covid and all' 'Really? Everyone's different I guess'. She won't be able to needle too much further without looking a real bitch, at which point a slightly surprised face and an 'Ouch! Not sure I deserved that one' might work well. And, she'll probably have a fair idea that when you don't even bother to justify your choices to her that you're happy enough not to feel you need to, and that isn't the effect she wants to get. So she'll probably stop.

It's not a nice way to think about it, but what she wants from you is upset, denial - any kind of bit of reaction that she can use to make herself feel better and convince herself that your're the one doing it wrong. If you do the opposite, and give her nothing but kind, vague, happy-vibe answers, she'll feel worse (and look unpleasant to boot). So she is more likely to stop.

Ha! I am a big sister and I am just a bit judgy of my younger sister for a variety of reasons, one of which being she does indeed get engaged at the drop of a hat (5 weeks after first meeting for marriage #1, and got engaged to current fiancé a few months after meeting him).

But you know what?

I don't say this to her! God no! That would be sooo rude. It's her life after all. I just wish them well (and bitch very privately to my OH who would never breathe a word).

The only time saying something would be appropriate is if there's some real concrete problem. I'm sure if your fiancé was already married and she found out you'd want her to speak up then.

She shouldn't be making these comments. If I were you I would greet them with a deafening silence and then a complete change of topic. Stay classy ;)

Do you actually want to spend time with your sister or is this out of obligation? She doesn't sound very nice. I would pull back. How often do you meet up?

She’s very jealous. Probably feels like as the older sister your situations should be reversed.

Do you have to spend lots of time with her? I’d wind that down. And if she keeps commenting on your life choices just say “well me and DH thought it would be right for us, don’t worry, we’ll be fine” smile and nod. She just wants to needle you tbh, probably so you explode and she can run off to your parents to tattle on you.

You’re going to be a mum soon. You don’t have time for this childishness. Ignore her commentary as best you can