My husbands rude/obnoxious friend please help!

[MulledGin]

So my husband has a friend who I thought I liked and was friendly with but actually,on reflection, I realise all she does is talk about herself, she knows very little about me or my husband (but my husband being a bloke doesn't really notice)The last time we met she did upset me...she is quite loud and abrasive but really didn't like my opinion and made me feel really stupid. In the end I just sat there feeling shit. It was so implicit that it seems petty to bring it up.
But I know it happens/happened because I felt it.
Every time we meet up the convo is always about her life, her drama, her hardships...she's having an affair blah blah blah. And before that marriage woes with her ex and before that problems with her daughter.
Also she'll want advice, not appreciate you listening and then be rude about any suggestions you give.
I've been in poor health and she hasn't asked if I'm ok, So I brought it up and she literally went blank and back to her.

So I am looking for advice. I want to tell my husband I am quite hurt (numerous ways she has spoken to me) but is there any point? I do probably sound petty but seething inside
And I don't want to have to see her again and have crappy meet ups that leave me upset

Should I just keep quiet? Maybe fain illness everytime? Or explain to my husband how I feel?

PS my husband is lovely so would be super for me and then that might cause an issue for him and her.

Thank you x

You're not friends with her. He is. He can continue his friendship and you can say to him that you don't have much in common so would rather avoid the meet ups.

Thank you. I know it sounds so obvious!

My Dh had a female friend who he had known since uni, used to date his mate. She was always very rude to me, aloof, would ask me a question and turn away as I was answering. My DH initially made excuses for her but eventually he saw how rude she was and has been NC with her for years. I am no push over but she was pointedly rude and thought she could get away with my DH and his mates. I said she wasnt welcome in my house, if he wanted to continue a friendship it would be with her and not me.

Thanks beavisandbutthead this sounds similar. My husband is so naïve and won't see it unless I point it out and then he'll appreciate it.
I feel like I'm going to have to say something. It's actually been the last few times that she's been directly off and rude to me.
She makes me feel like a silly girl and I feel very belittled by her and that's not even mentioning her me, me ,me attitude.

I had a similar situation when I met my dh he had a long term good friend. I wanted to get on with her as she had been an important part of his life. She was unfailingly rude and dismissive to me everytime we saw her, I gave her so many more chances/benefit of the doubt than I ever would anyone else. We had been together for two years when she asked him to be usher at her wedding, he was the only one who didn't get a plus one even though I was his long term gf the time.
Eventually I threw in the towel and said I was done, I was happy for him to see her whenever he wanted but I didn't want anything more to do with her myself.
Their friendship had fizzled out now some years down the line, which was nothing to do with me, but I was glad to step away.

Sorry I read my reply back and it sounded more abrupt than I intended.

I'm not big into people dictating their partner's friendships so my default position is that if one part of the couple likes someone and the other doesn't then that's fine, and only half the couple has the friendship.

Your husband's friend sounds like she would get on my nerves too. I'd avoid getting into all the things you dislike about her and tell your husband that you don't want to continue meeting up with her because she is rude to you and you don't have much in common, but you're not preventing him having a friendship.

Thanks everyone. Makes me feel better I'm not the only one who has experienced this.
It never crossed my mind to tell my partner not to see her I think my main concern is if or when I tell him it'll cause a problem with them as he'll maybe view her differently and not want to see her as often as to not upset me.
I think next time a possible meet up happens I may say I don't feel comfortable and explain why but say do go without me
I just can't get over how self interested and self oriantated and oblivious someone can be!

Nah I wouldn’t say anything. Not worth the drama. Just be unavailable. Every time she wants to meet up you’ve got other plans. Ghost her

Well, you just need to be true to your feelings. It is disingenuous to put a face on to protect him from possible drift away from her if you aren't in the picture.
Step away, leave them to it without creating any pressure for him to respond to. If his friendship with her fades as a result then it isn't strong enough too withstand you propping it up and thus isn't that great a friendship after all, so, it's the fate of the friendship will reflect it's worth both parties place on it. 🤷

Not propping it up that should say

@MulledGin

Thanks everyone. Makes me feel better I'm not the only one who has experienced this. It never crossed my mind to tell my partner not to see her I think my main concern is if or when I tell him it'll cause a problem with them as he'll maybe view her differently and not want to see her as often as to not upset me. I think next time a possible meet up happens I may say I don't feel comfortable and explain why but say do go without me I just can't get over how self interested and self oriantated and oblivious someone can be!

You don't have to explain yourself as much as you think you do...

Tell your husband you don't want to meet up with her because she's not really your cup of tea. Something vague like that.

If he asks why pick one of the reasons you've given and just say "all her chat is about her latest drama and I'm not interested" or "she was a bit abrasive to me". That's all you have to say, he'll get the gist. You don't have to go into any more detail. And it's fine. Some people don't click. You don't have to be friends with all of your partner's friends.

Thank you. Excellent advice and I will definitely take it on board. Fazing out and not be available sounds good and also good point about not really saying too much.
She isn't a friend at all just annoyed I was there for her during all her drama thinking she needed support.
She said she was suicidal about an affair she started and won't stop.
Idk but my patience has evaporated

God she sounds tiresome. Life's too short for other people's dramas (good friends listen as well as transmit).

You've had good advice, just let your DH see her on his own, tell him you've nothing in common - don't make a big deal out of it. Think how much happier you will be at home with a cup of tea / good book or out with a decent friend.

I wouldn't suggest that you stop going, because somewhere along the line she will make use of that and turn things so it looks like you are the unfriendly one who doesn't like her.

Perhaps next time, say to your DH that yes, you will go, but you aren't sure whether there's all that much point. Then when he asks why, just say that it is difficult to explain, but you feel that she doesn't like you all that much and it makes you feel awkward. Then it is about your feelings rather than a criticism of her. He might then notice for himself what she's like with you.