Sister

[Anonbecauseican]

I was speaking with my sister yesterday when dn stormed into the room and demanded my sister's time right now to help with something forcefully, rudely, hysterically, loudly. My sister was spoken to like a piece of dirt under a shoe by a 12 year old.

I have really been worrying about the way my dn spoke to my sister and today I told my sister that I thought the way my dn spoke to her was really disrespectful and that she should not accept that from her own child or indeed any one.

I have just had my head handed to me on a plate, told to wind my neck in and butt out. It's nothing to do with me they are trying to teach my dn not to do this and teach dn how to name their emotions so that it won't happen again.

Problem is they have been doing this since dn was tiny and it is not making any difference. Dn Is not getting better, in fact I would say it is worse. I am worried my sister is getting the brunt of this behavior. From the outside looking in, it looks like bullying behaviour.

I have apologised to my sister for saying something, is there anything I can do to help that won't be construed as me being interfering? Does anyone have a child like this how do you cope with a highly strung child?

I think you have misplaced the word brat with highly strung op..
Ultimately if you dsis wants to have such a dc you need to stand well clear.

I think you need to tread carefully; you’ve tried saying something and she’s not responded well. I would keep out of it unless she asks you for help.

is there anything I can do to help that won't be construed as me being interfering?

Nothing, absolutely nothing.

You have tried and so now I think you need to probably not do anything for a while.

I suspect you hit a raw nerve with your sister which is why she reacted so badly.

You just have to let them get on with it, they don’t want to hear it and will always defend dn and minimise the behaviour.

Let them carry on. They’ll rue the day soon enough.

Also, what's your relationship like with your DN do you ever spend any quality time with them?

Do you have DC and how old are they OP?

Perhaps your DSis feels you don't have the right to comment unless you have kids the same age.

I agree with your opinion by the way (you teach people how to treat you) but I find parents with unruly teens (or tweens!) often think nobody understands how hard it can be.

I have older dc and know that tweens can be hard, however if mine ever spoke to me like this they were firmly put in their place and it didn't happen again. Not angels by any stretch but very clear boundaries about expected behavior from them by both me and dh. We modelled the behavior we wanted to see in our dc.

Actually I don't get chance to spend much quality time with dn. Not my choice, I'm very firmly of the opinion it takes a village to raise a child. My sister however believes that only the parents raise a child and everyone else needs to back off.

I almost feel that because of this she has backed herself into a corner and now can't accept any help. I'm really at a loss, but what is happening is not working as far as I can see.

@Anonbecauseican

I have older dc and know that tweens can be hard, however if mine ever spoke to me like this they were firmly put in their place and it didn't happen again. Not angels by any stretch but very clear boundaries about expected behavior from them by both me and dh. We modelled the behavior we wanted to see in our dc.

Actually I don't get chance to spend much quality time with dn. Not my choice, I'm very firmly of the opinion it takes a village to raise a child. My sister however believes that only the parents raise a child and everyone else needs to back off.

I almost feel that because of this she has backed herself into a corner and now can't accept any help. I'm really at a loss, but what is happening is not working as far as I can see.

But the bottom line is, it's not your problem.

If she's that much of a brat I feel sorry for her as I can't imagine she has many friends if she carries on like that at school.

Your DSis and her husband have made a rod for their own backs and they will have to deal with the consequences.

However, if your DN is rude to you feel free to deal with it.

yeh, you probably did hit a nerve, so just because you had your ass handed to you on a plate will NOT mean that your words achieve nothing.

Your sister is probably thinking. Even if she's not sharing her thoughts with you.