Leaving manipulative husband with no money and family to help 😢

[Marta1990]

Hi everyone!
Has been reading threads on here for a while and wanted to share my experience hoping someone can relate.
Im 30 years old. My husband is 41. We known each other for 8 years, been married for 4.
I ignored all red flags as I was deeply in love. My husband lied to me on many occasions. Hidden debts, unpaid bills, secret purchases. Hes been talkinb to woman through text messages.
When I showed proofs of the lies he becomes agressive and sometimes physicaly abusive. He destroyes my belongings, even raised his hand at me once.
I am inteligent and rather ok looking woman. I was always succesfull at work. Smiling. He took it all way from me. Few people even said to me that I am negative:-(.
My husband and I were happy and I ove him still but I know that I need to get away.
I don't know how to gain my mental health back.
I have no money saved and my family lives abroad.

Anyone in a similar situation when husband turned into a monster?
Im starting to question my own worth and my reality because of the lies

Can you tell your family? Let them help you out?

You get your mental health back on tack by leaving him asap.

I wouldn't be telling him you are going as he has showed he can be violent. Just get support from family and go.

Are there children and assets involved?

Do you work?

You need to open up to your family so they can help support you emotionally, at least. Is moving back to your family an option at all?
The minute you open up to people they will have solutions for you and will be happy to support you. Even if you cant move back to your family there are supports to help you leave the situation you’re in. It’s not a healthy relationship and you know it has effected your MH and that you need to leave. There are a lot of red flags so please ring family and talk to friends and get in touch with women’s aid.

You still are that person, you can be you again.

You can speak to Women's Aid for support and advice on how to split up with him safely. If necessary, you could go into a refuge and sort things out from there.

You're in a domestic abuse situation, please seek help.

If you're from another country, are there any communities you could get in touch with for help?

If you're working, you might be able to access credit to get yourself a deposit on a rental? Or perhaps if your family could help you financially? Any assets of the marriage, like if you own a house, you may have a claim on in a divorce.

Thank you all,

My family knows and is very suportive. Unfortunately they cant help me financially.
My husband called me yesterday and said that he will move I promise I never speak to his family again. His father loves me a lot and he always supported me through my husband lies.
My husband now doesnt wang his family to know about the scale of his lies.
I dony have children and that is why I stayed. I wanted to try because having kids is one of my dreams.
He was not supportive and never cared. One year later of " trying" im still in the same place.
All is ok if I stay quiet and ignore lies and him lookinh for attention from other woman.
Even when I showed him statements from credit cards and messages he still denied for months!
I feel like I deserve a new chance. I will be 31 in May and I know I want family and kids so I have to leave him no matter how much it hurts...

You do deserve another chance, and at 30, you really can start over and find someone nice to have dc with. Please make your exit plans and make the leap.

Once you're out of the relationship, please consider doing the freedom programme so you don't get into a similarly abusive relationship.

Thank you.
I have no idea how I got myself in all this.
I think I need to learn to live on my own and face my issues like you said.
I ignored all red flags. We split up once when dating and lies started way before wedding day.
I remeber It felt off and evrn on my wedding day I heard those bells ringing in my head and ignored it all.
Now I feel like my self love and self belief is so low that I dont see things clearly.
He called me bad names. Ruined me finnacially. Intimacy is pretty much gone.
Im embarrased to admit failure of my relationship.

It's not your fault - it's all on him. You did your best. You really tried. He, on the other hand, just kept on treating you badly and lying and hurting you.

At least everything is out in the open and both families know your situation and are supportive of you. It’s certainly not ur fault and relationships break down all the time. Give yourself the chance to find someone lovely to have kids with and certainly don’t stay with this man just so you can have children - it’ll only make your situation 100 times worse.