Argument over what my baby will call me

[alisha556655]

So I was speaking to someone close to me about mine and my gf’s plans on trying to conceive and she seemed relatively supportive. But had then asked what the baby would refer to us as, I said the baby would call her mum and me “maa” “amma” or “mamma”. She asked why I wouldn’t just be “mum” because the other terms are childish, they’ll get taken the piss out of at school and complained it was too confusing and unnecessary for the child 🙄. Obviously at this point I got offended reminding her that they are words for “mother” from my dad and grandparents native language and asked her to mind her own fucking business

Shit has gone down and it’s caused rifts in the family. I’m pissed off 😡

It wasn’t her place to say but I’d have just rolled my eyes and definitely not swore at her. That’s seems a bit much.
Your children will make up their own mind what they call you anyway when they get older.

@PinGwyn

No, I see your point. I was focussed on the friend questioning her choices...happened to me recently so I emphasised and understood her frustration.

Your school aged child will call you whatever they want to call you when the time comes, you can’t really control it.

I regularly hear “my mums” ie no distinction

This was a petty situation for shit to go down under

By the time they are old enough to get the piss taken out of them, they’ll have chosen what to call you anyway, so it’s a non-issue and you should call yourselves whatever you like in the early years.

I was mummy when the DC were young, but not for as long as I might have chosen! DC1 calls me Mother, which always makes me feel as though I’ve stepped out of a Jane Austen novel, but seems to be the acceptable choice amongst peers. To DC2 we are The Parentals. I’m pleased to report that I seem to be “Parental No 1”

Don’t give it another thought.

My DD calls me Mum, Mama, Mummy and all sorts of other variations - no confusion and it means sod all what other people think

When I was in school I called my parents madre and padre because kylie Jenner did. We’re not Spanish

My Wife and I have had a few similar comments from various people and we are planning to be Mommy and Mummy. I’m carrying (6months pregnant atm) and will be Mommy and Wife Mummy. People keep saying that’s too confusing but I think as long as we make the effort to call each other that when taking to the child they will obviously know who we are taking about. Of course when they are tiny they can’t say the whole thing doesn’t mean they won’t when they can. Your mummy names sound lovely and lots of good luck with trying to conceive!

Some people just have horrific memories of the playground when playgrounds were monocultural and very conformist places in the U.K. It’s their issue/neurosis. Smile and nod and don’t get emotionally drawn in.

My children call me Mummy and Mama.
And Mumu. ☺️ oh and Mumsie and Mumzer. Ah and sometimes Mummy Pig (thanks, Peppa!!)

It's a personal thing. Don't listen to anyone telling you what is ok. Some people just dictate to others and think they know best on everything. You just have to grit your teeth and ignore them.

Mama is a very common term and I hear it loads. It's not strange at all.

All that matters is what works for you and your family. As they get older, children do definitely sway to whatever works for them. I’ve been Mama, Muma, Mummy

As this was someone close it seems odd that an opinion ended up with you so angry/upset. Why can’t a close friend or family member discuss what you’ve just told them with you ? From the post it seems you just wanted them to listen and stay silent (unless they agreed with you I’m guessing ?).
Obvs we don’t know the tone/manner in which this was all said by both of you but it seems a huge overreaction to someone close to you having a different view ?

@HeronLanyon to be honest I am not surprised she was upset. We all want to be supported not undermined by those close to us, especially about something as important has having children. The OP was very rightly upset by the comments. As the old one goes if you don’t have something nice to say...

My 11 and 7 year olds call me mamma I now loads of kids that do. Not sure why anyone would notice or care, however it sounds like you totally over reacted and it's quite a minor thing to be arguing over with all the big decisions that come with a baby.

My children chose what to call me, I don't remember ever having a conversation about it. Originally they called me by the word for mum in their dad's native language, which makes sense since they mostly heard him refer to me by that word. And now they use the word from my native language, which is mama. Don't know how or why they switched, but both have felt natural choices.

We live in a multicultural area and lots of children call their mum 'mama' (as mine do). The few occassions where they address me as 'mum' are actually the weirdest for me, although it feels okay when they use the word to describe me to other people. I guess the word grates inside our intimate family setting since neither of our families use it. It's like being spoken to as a character from a book.

Do what works for your family. Your friend's opinion has no weight in this matter.

Yes as @depopsa says it's probably a pointless argument as the dc will decide what to call you both and you won't have much say. No one referred to me as mamma to them but that's who I am.

Most children code switch very easily. My Australian/Swedish niece (being raised in Australia) calls her mum and dad mamma and pappa, and her (Australian) grandparents farmor (father’s mother) and farfar (father’s father) at home but uses English names at school/with friends.

Well OP, you now know your family member is a judgy nosey Parker pants.

I've found a useful phrase for these types is a smiling "thank you for sharing your opinion. I'll give it all the consideration it deserves." The unspoken "...which is none" should be pretty obvious - and if they're that dense that it isn't, then there's no point trying to explain to them what a bell-end they look.

I'm actually a little bit envious of some of these names - especially the grandparent ones!

(Although I would have drawn the line at Meemaw...)

Hi Op. My 5 call me mamma and their dad dadda. They range between 6 and 14 and have never thought anything of it. One time we were at a playgroup when my middle child was around 3. The play leader passed her something and said " can you give that to your mum?" She genuinely looked puzzled and didn't have a clue who her 'mum' was. My nieces and nephews all refer to their parents as mum and dad. Whatever works for you and your children is perfectly fine and no one elses business. Enjoy motherhood 🙂