Bit of a long one.....i have a 7 year old with a narcissistic ex, never married and never lived together. To cut a v long story short, everything he ever told me about himself was a lie, about his work, his past life,his relationships, his family, his children. Few examples of the lies, told me he was an ex RAF pilot, had his own business, how many kids he had, the list goes on. When I got pregnant he kept making excuses not to move in and eventually brought over a bag of clothes 3 days before our DD was born. During my pregnancy he was hardly ever around, claiming he was always at work and did shifts, mainly at night. Not long after she was born I found emails from at least 30 women from a dating wesite. He made excuses, and thats when everything snowballed. I found out he wasn't going to work, he didnt actually have a job , that he'd been living a double life with 2 different women years ago, having kids with both and neither knew about eachother, he pretended to have cancer, i could go on and on. And then there was the emotional abuse and gaslighting, he would scream in my face if he couldnt get his own way, locking me in my house, taking my phone away, stopping me seeing my friends, He assaulted me when I was holding DD, this was witnessed, police and SS involved. When DD was 3 he went to prison for 6 months. could write a lot more but I think you get the jist.
He has had regular contact with DD but never on her own. He has never asked to see her on her own and never arranged to do anything with her, so contact is always with me, sometimes at my house but usually out somewhere. It goes ok as long as I play ball which I have done for her sake. I do ask her now she's older if she wants to see her father on her own but she refuses. He never asks to anyway. Neither of us have ever been to his house. He comes over every Xmas morning and its horrible, he's miserable and really makes it hard. 2 years ago I told him he needed to go as we had to get ready to go out for xmas dinner and he was screaming in my face in front of DD about his rights etc. He didn't see DD during lockdown, he text every day, but he has always sent a text every day with exactly the same message asking how she is. He didn't phone her once during lockdown. When we saw him again for the first time after 4 months he barely said a word to her, it was awful. It was a few weeks after her birthday and he didn't even ask of she had a nice day. Every visit is like that, he only speaks to her when hes filming her on his phone.
He text today to ask what time and where we were meeting, DD didn't want to go out because the weather was so bad. He started a rant asking if i was saying he couldnt come to the house and demanding to know what was happening xmas day. I told him that he couldnt come to the house at the moment (covid) and for him to think of somewhere and we'd meet him. I then received a message back saying he was allowed in my house and has been for ages according to the law and every dad sees their child at Xmas. And no suggestion of a place to meet. Bit then he never has, its always me.
I haven't said he can't see DD, i just don't want him in my house because I don't trust him to not be socially distancing from other people and our home is the one place we feel safe. My DD is quite anxious about covid and he has seen that for himself. I hate him coming to my house anyway and i've only allowed it before because i don't trust him with DD on his own and some weekends she just wants to chill at home. He just sits there on his phone.
I don't know what to do anymore, I've had to do this every weekend for years now and every weekend I feel anxious, today has been awful.