You need to be aware that what he is doing is typical alcoholic behaviour. This isn't about you not being perfect. This is about you getting between him and the one thing he loves above all else - booze. So he gaslights you, he attacks you, he minimises it, he makes you feel it's all you being oversensitive. This is the addiction talking.
My late husband was an alcoholic and he did it all. I gave him an ultimatum, he did rehab, it failed, I started divorce proceedings, it all went to hell and the police were involved and not long after he moved out, he died. He did massive damage to all of us - DD1 (nearly 20) is just coming to the end of therapy. DD2 (almost 18) has PTSD and knows she will need more therapy. I've had therapy and counselling myself. Your kids are still young - get them out now.
Late 2018 we found my late husband's notes from rehab. In them, he blamed me for everything. He never accepted he had a problem. Rehab was always going to fail because of that. That is how powerful alcoholism is. Stay strong, do not ever, ever blame yourself for being a normal, fallible, not addicted human being.
PM me if you want individual support.