Advice please

[DrR78]

I’m 44 and have been in a relationship with a lovely man (48) since July. We are extremely compatible emotionally and sexually, we enjoy the same things, we are at the same life stage (divorced with young children). We see each other at least twice a week, often for a couple of days at a time, and I have fallen in love with him. But he says he doesn’t love me, and says he thinks something may be missing. We are continuing to see each other, making plans and carrying on. But I am feeling increasingly anxious, clingy and tearful. I don’t know what to do.

But he says he doesn’t love me, and says he thinks something may be missing.

You need to stop seeing him for your own mental health and emotional wellbeing. Of course you feel like utter shit when he's said that to you. Don't keep pouring emotional investment into someone who doesn't reciprocate. You're hurting yourself.

Why is it ok for him to string you along like that?

Thinks something might be missing but continuing to make plans with you, wtf.

Does he need to get back to OLD and check out his other options?

You fell in love with what might have been, not what is.

This time next week you could be over him.

You must stop seeing this man. He has told you how he feels and that is why you are anxious, clingy and tearful. He should stop seeing you as he must know it's unfair, but you need to take some responsibility for your own part in this and ask yourself why you're continuing to see someone who has told you they don't love you. You know this is unhealthy, time to stop it.

As said, you need to end this. You are in emotional turmoil. He has stated very clearly how he feels and if you stay your self esteem will continue to plummet. You need to want better for yourself.

Please step back and look at the bigger picture of what is happening here to you.

If he likes you as a friend or something but doesn’t fancy you then the chances are he could be hanging with you due the sex and a bit of companionship, dinners made for him etc.

That’s fine if you don’t have feelings for him either and both like the friends with benefits arrangement.

But that clearly isnt you.

Time to go. It’s not working out. The longer you spend with this guy the less chance you have of meeting anyone else. Dump nicely and move on.

He might realise that he misses you and he gets back in touch in a few weeks. But if he does don’t have sex. That way you will know if he’s missing you or missing your lady bits and fancies a free shag as he’s horny. But you do need to dump him now. Plenty more fish as they say

Oh my gosh, why would you carry on. Dump his ass! He doesn’t deserve you, run for the hills.

But that’s easy to say from what you’ve posted, I’m sure he has some redeeming qualities? He’s treating you terribly.

End this immediately. Your mental health and esteem will go straight down the pan if you continue this one sided relationship.

Let him go. He’s not in love with you, you’re just a ‘for now’.
Too shoddy for you.

I know you’ll be gutted but really, what else can you feasibly do?

Thank you.

I’m so sad. He is, in many ways, an excellent partner. Attentive, interesting, great sex, likes to help me with things. We have much in common. I can’t bear to say goodbye.

He has mentioned he may be self-sabotaging. I don’t know what to think

He wants to keep you dangling in case he changes his mind.

You are just a placeholder for him. Dump him.

He has mentioned he may be self-sabotaging. I don’t know what to think

That is intended to keep you hanging on in case he has an epiphany.

Whether he's doing this consciously and deliberately or not is irrelevant. What matters is the effect it has on you, and it is starting to be really damaging.

You can stay and bend over backwards trying to make him love you. Or you walk away and meet someone that will give you the love you want and deserve.

It takes two people for a relationship to work. Two people to be on the same page and you aren't.