I need some advice because I am freaking out. I want you to make an informed choice to click so --- it's an 'adult' issue.

[ElmerFudd]

Ok. I have name changed. Not a troll. Judge flounce, Lavenderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr red rug, narniagate, codisms, quiche, etc etc etc

Me and dh do not have ...erm....'relations'

Originally HIS choice, not mine, but I got used to it, began to understand it, realised that I didn't give a crap either way and I'm happy with the way we are. He's got zero se drive and we haven't had sex or anything more intimate than a cuddle for about 7 years. We don't kiss either, because I find 'tongues' totally gross, so we just give each other a 'mmmmwwwaa' peck, iyswim.

Now I know most people think that's odd, but we're happy. I don't want sex and neither does he - after all, it was HIM that stopped everything in the first place! We love each other and we share everything and we are best mates, close and make each other laugh.

So now comes my problem.

He tried to touch me.

I leapt away and said "gerrof, you pervert" then laughed, trying to make it a joke. But it's not a joke. I don't want to be touched intimatly. Not by him not by anyone (I haven't gone for a smear for years either for similar DON'T TOUCH ME reasons.)

The thing is I am ANGRY. How dare he change the rules now. HE had no sex drive HE started it I had to learn that sex does not equal love - and that FREED me, iyswim.

Now he wants to touch me? He can't change the way we are now. What if he is getting a libido now?

I thought we were happy in our sex free GOOD marriage but I didn't realise that I would freak out if I was touched, because it's never come up (pardon the pun)

I really need some advice. I do NOT want a sex life but what if his 'old man' has come out of its coma and goes looking for fun elsewhere? Ok, that's a stupid fear but...

I am just so ANGRY with him for touching me and worried that this is going to happen again.

And I am aware that this is a very odd post, which is why I began with my credentials! Also, I know it's early, but he is having a lie in and I might not get a chance later.

I am so sorry you are feeling so upset about this change in your relationship. I also think you cannot brush it under the carpet, ignore it and hope it goes away.

However much your dh loves you, it is possible that someone random has entered his life who has stirred some sexual feelings in him. Perhaps someone new has started at his place of work? Or perhaps someone he knows has flirted with him?

Poor bloke may not want to take it further, and knows he loves you, but the experience has made him realise he does have sexual needs. So the first thing he does, being a loyal partner, is to look to you, his partner and best friend, to fulfil them.

I am sorry if this seems like the carpet has been dragged from under your feet. But if you ignore it (or worse belittle him for feeling this way) and don't talk it through, there's every reason for his longings to continue. It's then possible he may feel justified in starting a sexual relationship with someone else.

Please get help with this for the sake of your partner as much as for your own sake.

How are you today Elmer?

I can see why you are annoyed and shocked. If he wanted to be sexually intimate with you again he should have talked to you first after seven years rather than just going for it. You obviously didn't like it or want it so what on earth was he thinking of? Just because a woman is married doesn't give her husband rights of access to her body that override her feelings or wishes.

I guess what I'd be suggesting is to talk to him about it and ask him "why did you touch me like that?" and tell him how it made you feel.

It sounds like he made a very very clumsy pass at you. Perhaps you should just ask him what he was playing at. If he wants to change the rules then he really needs to talk to you. Did he honestly think you'd dive straight into bed with him as soon as he touched you?

Thanks again for continued replies. Much appreciated.

I tried to talk to him but he said that he was just 'playing'. I am planning on having a talk with him, but I need to plan exactly what I'm going to say!

Thanks for all the input. It helped me think.