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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Here we are again

18 replies

Caminante · 05/12/2020 01:21

Just want to vent really...I know I'm not in a healthy relationship because he's got serious mental health problems and I'm not his carer or nurse and I react emotionally instead of thinking oh he's having one of those episodes, best just leave him to it.

I do know this about him and for now I'm choosing to stay in the relationship. We do love each other very much. He's constantly battling this part of himself that isn't well.

He gets irrationally angry out of nowhere. He started a really horrible argument out of nothing tonight, right as we were about to go to sleep. He made himself so angry at me that he told me to fuck off and leave him alone...hang on, this is my bed, in my room, in my house, where you have come as a guest? (He's in my bubble). He is very scary when he gets angry like that, he's someone different altogether, he can say awful things to me that he would never normally say.

He's not violent, never has been, but it's very distressing being around someone this angry so I left the room and he was mocking me as I went. I've come downstairs and had a good cry and he's upstairs in my bed.

I know I know I know, I should be telling him to fuck off out of my bed and out of my house but it's past 1 in the morning, my adult daughter is also in the house and I don't want to exacerbate the situation so that he's yelling the whole place down. It's best to just leave him to it for now.

In the morning or at some point tomorrow he will become himself again and be incredibly sorry, until then I am the enemy and In The Wrong.

Sorry for all that...was feeling a bit lost and upset and needed to get it off my chest.

I know I'm an idiot already.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 05/12/2020 01:25

He needs to get proper help, and you need to be showing him that your daughter comes first and he can't behave like this and expect to stay at yours.

Caminante · 05/12/2020 01:30

I know, you're so right. Honestly though he's exhausted all the help he's prepared to take and he's really only here as a second chance (as far as my daughter is concerned) after an incident earlier this year in lockdown. He's on thin ice already.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 05/12/2020 01:43

Show him some boundaries. He needs to learn to respect you especially if you are helping him.
Does he respect anybody at all?

Whatsnewpussyhat · 05/12/2020 01:53

You need to ask yourself why you have such low self esteem that you would continue to let this man treat you this way.

The good thing is, he can fuck off out of your house.

thosetalesofunexpected · 05/12/2020 02:03

Hi Op
You deserve better you do know that.don't you.

His emotional health issues are his problem to sort out to get right help..
Don't see him as a work in progress, there is no excuse to mock you, its a form of mimising your feelings,another's words he does not value you your feelings

Emotional abuse is just as bad as pysical abuse ..

Ask your yourself why do you put up with kind of shit, this Prick/Arsehole of sorry excuse of so called Partner he is a man child..

Get shot of this Dick head man...Op

swingyourpants79 · 06/12/2020 21:57

What are the mental health issues that he has op? X

Aquamarine1029 · 06/12/2020 22:02

He is very scary when he gets angry like that

Then you say...

He's not violent, never has been

I'm sorry op, he is a vile, violent man. Emotional violence is every bit as destructive and dangerous as physical violence. Only you can end this nightmare. Get rid of him at first light.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/12/2020 22:04

His mental health issues do not give him a free pass to abuse you.

Left · 06/12/2020 22:12

How have things been today OP?

Hesfamousforit · 06/12/2020 23:54

You need to read a book called why does he do that by lundy Bancroft.

litterbird · 07/12/2020 12:17

Crikey, what are you doing with this man? You have a daughter in the same house as a man with quite a severe mental health problem. Please check in with your self esteem and ask him to leave immediately. Just because he has a MH problem you seem to think its ok to be treated like that......no, get out of this as quickly as you can. You have already said he has exhausted all avenues to get help....this will only get worse, but I think you already know this don't you? Get out of this asap OP.

Weirdfan · 07/12/2020 13:22

Free pdf of the Lundy Bancroft book Hesfamousforit mentioned OP, well worth a read www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

TJ17 · 07/12/2020 13:27

You say he's on "thin ice" but it doesn't sound like he is....

Sounds like he's tucked up in a warm bed to me. Mental health issues or not it is no excuse to treat people like that. Hate it when people hide behind "mental health" issues so that they can do whatever the hell they like.

LTB. He'll never change.

user191245365 · 07/12/2020 13:34

"Second" chance? How many second chances have you given him?

Rollingpiglet · 07/12/2020 13:37

Why do you think when he is being nice that is the "real him" and the nastiness is all to blame on something else. It is all part of him, the nasty just as much as the nice. Do you really want to continue to put up with this?

Butterymuffin · 07/12/2020 13:52

I don't think it's in your interests to stay in a relationship where you are being bullied in your own space in the middle of the night. And I think at the very least he should now not be expecting to stay the night in your home. If you'd be worried about how he would react to being told that, then that's also telling.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 07/12/2020 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Requinblanc · 07/12/2020 14:15

Mental health issues are never an excuse to treat people poorly, especially if the person is not actively seeking help/treatment for their condition. Put yourself first and move on...

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