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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sex gives me rage

18 replies

Chesto · 04/12/2020 23:28

As above really, when trying to or having sex with my husband, I feel full of rage! Why is this? Is there something wrong?

OP posts:
Anothernick · 04/12/2020 23:39

Yes something is wrong. Sex should be pleasureable for both partners. A range of emotions are involved but anger is definitely not one of them.

Bunnymumy · 04/12/2020 23:43

No idea why? For example, does he only seem to care about his pleasure?

Original poster
Chesto · 04/12/2020 23:47

No hes very happy to make sure I am satisfied, he always tries his best in that regard

OP posts:
Original poster
Chesto · 05/12/2020 07:15

Has anyone else had this? Its starting to affect our marriage now and its worrying for me

OP posts:
Mintlegs · 05/12/2020 07:32

Is it pent up sexual frustration or energy?

Bunnymumy · 05/12/2020 07:33

Are you feeling a bit put-upon in life in general? People asking you to do or give too much of yourself?

Or is there any history of abuse or trauma that may be coming to the surface?

Bunnymumy · 05/12/2020 07:35

Or does he keep kneeling on your hair? That gives me the rage lol

Beechview · 05/12/2020 07:36

Do you want to have sex?

PolarnOPirate · 05/12/2020 07:42

Are you on any meds that affect libido?

Iggly · 05/12/2020 07:44

You don’t want sex with him?

curiousierandcouriser · 05/12/2020 07:52

Just throwing it out there - desire, lust and anger can have similar physical indicators. Can you be misinterpreting these? Perhaps see a doctor / therapist to work through this or any some repressed trauma?

Bunnymumy · 05/12/2020 08:04

Just a thought but maybe you could introduce some dominance into the sex. Get a whip and have him choose a safe word.

HavelockVetinari · 05/12/2020 08:10

It sounds like you don't want to have sex. Are you angry with your H about anything else? Does he do his fair share of domestic stuff, share money equally etc.?

Original poster
Chesto · 05/12/2020 08:32

Could be most of the above, his libido dropped since having children some years ago so sex is around once a month sometimes less occasionally more. In terms of domestic chores hes not too bad, probably better than most but mental load is mostly me. The repressed thing is interesting. I had counselling some years ago about something unrelated, and there felt like something under the surface but I disnt explore it, I also felt it was equally likely it was my brain making it up as well, iild that makes sense

OP posts:
Heartofstrings · 05/12/2020 08:34

I had a....not so pleasant incident around 10 years ago. For many years after I would cry after having sex with my husband. Proper snotty, heaving sobs. Poor man

Seatime · 05/12/2020 08:42

Write down all the possible reasons why, it will emerge. Continue to write and reflect. Something is up.

Comtesse · 05/12/2020 09:27

Something is going on OP. Your body is trying to tell you something.

BigMetalPebbles · 05/12/2020 12:17

When did this start?
Body chemistry gone out of whack ?
Or as PP have said, some bit of your psyche bubbling up?

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