I'm so sad, crap mum and lost who I want.

[notanotherfucker]

Please can anyone talk to me. I'm not going to do anything silly but I feel like it. I feel a failure...I love my kids but they deserve better.

I have lost the one man I ever felt anything for and he's never coming back.

I can't cope 😫

First of all I'm going to kick you up the butt.
No man is ever worth more than yourself or your children!
Step back look around you if he was really that amazing why has he gone?

I'm all ears what's gone on? X

I feel like a bad mum as I've been miserable and they deserve better. I just can't cope at the moment at all

We all have our days me recently more than most I've been a right miserable cow and then I snap back dust myself off and try and be the best person I can be. Life ain't rosey everyday. Ask my dh and kids! Lol

How have you lost him and why is he not coming back.

I've lost him because he didn't want me anymore. It's probably my own doing. I'm on my own all day everyday and I just can't pull myself together.

No one cares apart from my lovely children. Why can't I be a good mum for them....why do I ruin everything.

Well start with yourself. You need to get strong and rely on you. Think about how you came to be in this situation. Once you get stronger you'll attract someone who is right for you. Whatever you do don't be hard on yourself. If you were awful then nows the time to improve things.
Life won't always be like this!

This is going to sound harsh but I think you may need a harsh one! Absolutely no man is deserving of you taking the attention away from your children! None whatsoever! If it didn't work out with a man, it probably was not meant to be to start with! There are so many other people you will meet in your life and that may or may not include a man! Being single is not an illness, it doesn't make you less of a person and it certainly doesn't define you as a parent! Pick yourself up (I know it's hard, although married again now I went through a rough divorce years ago where I thought I wouldn't be happy again and it was only me and my DD then. I now have 2 more and expecting another with a husband am very happy with), focus on yourself and your children. Get yourself together and most importantly your self esteem because it would have suffered. Once that's done you wouldn't be putting up with any BS and will be in a better position to attract a partner who's worth your time and who you will want around your kids. And if you don't, by god, enjoy your single life and your children. Life is too short to be miserable about a man that didn't choose you.

There are two issues here. One is your role as a parent and the other is the break up of your relationship.
You do need to deal with the break up of your relationship and the grief that comes with it. Do you have anyone you can talk to about it?

You can still be a good parent. Meet your dcs basic needs of making sure they have decent food, sleep and are clean. Then add the extra things like an activity, taking them out, watching a film with them, giving them hugs.

My kids are great...lovely and the only things that keep me going. I'm very proud of them.

I'm just so lonely and the one person I saw a future with has gone. I just feel I mess everything up 😥

As cheesy as it sounds the old saying of “it will all be ok in the end, if it’s not ok then it’s not the end.” Is so true and not that I’m saying you would do something silly but let your love for your babies push through that. Don’t leave them with a lifetime feeling of not being enough, tomorrow will be a better day xx

Thanks x x

I miss him so much I can't express, there's no point me getting in touch as he's done.

I think if you are feeling this low about things ending then you may need external support.

Have you had issues with your mental health previously?

Yes I have.. most of my life.

Are you receiving treatment at the moment? Do you take medication, see anyone?

I take a small amount of medication. I just want to be normal and this pain to stop.

Men are overrated OP. I have been single for 3 years now. It is OK. Focus on yourself and your kids. Can you do some deep breathing. Think of one small thing to be grateful for, even if it is a roof over your head and food in your belly.

I'm really sorry you're feeling so low. I would definitely suggest you go and see your GP and discuss things. If you are genuinely thinking about hurting yourself a lot, and it seems like you are, I think you need to check in with your doctor.

Heartbreak and grief are processes that you need to go through not ignore. They are emotions and they will subside because emotions do that - how you feel right now is not forever. It will pass.

Right, now, treat yourself well and do as much as you can to get reappointed and not stay in your disappointment. Things like:

Go for walks
Drink water
Eat regularly
Go to an exercise class - things that you have to be mentally present for and can't spend all your time ruminating on him.
Play a board game with your children - tell yourself its just five minutes and before you know it you will be laughing and present.
Watch comedy even if you want to be screaming and crying and listening to sad love songs - do not do this - this is not treating yourself well. Do things that will get you laughing.

Make plans with things to look forward to, as much as you can at this time, walks with friends when your children are at school.

All the best

Hi OP
I've been where you are. 6 years ago I was a total mess over a man and I had two small DC at the time.

You WILL get through this.
Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time if you have to.
Get help with your mental health. I had help from the crisis team and my GP.

Back then I was distraught and it wasn't really just about him. It was years and years of upset and loss and grief over many things. The split with him just triggered it all inside me.

Anyway. 6 years now and I'm still single but by god I have it together. I say what goes. I love my independence. I am very close to my children and I am proud of how they are turning into lovely young adults.

My home is as lovely as I can make it. Yes I have down days and yes I feel lonely at times but believe me, I'm sat here now content as anything. Happy in my own skin.

I don't feel the need of a man. I'm just single me and I own that now. We are a family. We don't need a man as part of that.

But please. Don't do anything silly. I spoke with the Samaritans umpteen times and it really helped.

Please get the help you need and just take each day as it comes.

You are your children's whole world and they love you no matter what. You will get past all this in time.

I recommend distracting yourself with podcasts. I like Gretchen Rubin’s happier podcast

Hi Op.
Don't be too hard on yourself.

You are not a failure at all..
(Don't be afraid to get the right kind of help for yourself, this is not a weakness at all..
Its called self Care ,self awareness that you are struggling through a vulnerable time,
Be your own best friend..

You are good enough as you are , (nobody is perfect, or perfect mother are they.
( I think it could be beneficial good idea to explore, and see why and how to overcome low self cofindence issues for e.g there are all kinds of different therapies(theories)to look into which ones would benefit you the most,you can have some free/private charge therapies, obviously a waiting list and others you have to pay a fee.

Such as does low self cofindence come partner or it because of other adverse (difficult experiences such as shitty childhood, or something else??
(You said your have mental health issue is that related to difficult personal experiences in past..

I visit mind (MH ) charity centre in past
We in past have been on daytrips to places like mumbles(seaside resort)Skandavale, the Gower (we do gardening club on sun,a successful book club,a photography club etc.

I would look after yourself treat yourself do a spa health session on your own or with friends or do this at home if you are still in lockdown an can not go anywhere at all.

Holistic therapies are good such as hot stone massage, reflexology etc so many of them, (if you have a local college, who have health and beauty even better as they will cheaper proberly..

You do not need a man to complete, there are a lot of single people out there,

There are lots of things you can do what interests are you curious or enjoy doing then?(check out YouTube to learn new skills arts and crafts etc.

Also what about academic skills such as going back to college or doing workshops etc either online or elsewhere..

Like one Poster said do stuff that helps emotionally such as going for nature walks,listening to good music on YouTube, etc.

What's good for helping to think straight with Clarity is meditation only takes 10 -15mins to get into and it can be free at home or outside with other people or online
(this is adventure a time to discover yourself,
xxx

Op

I ment to say you do not need a man to complete you as a person, you are Ok,good enough as you are..

There are plenty of single people/single parents you are definitely not the only one.

Also Op how many threads have you read in past and recently along the lines of how Crap, a dickhead/Arsehole some husbands/Partners and how shit it is being in a relantships with these kinds of men are
(I bet you have lost count how many of those types of threads you have come across.

(There is no way in hell, you can feel the grass is greener/envious with those kinds of threads.

(It something worth rembering whenever you feel desperate for male company,
when you are single, so you do not rush into,and settle for Bastards/Arseholes like that out there..

Ahh that’s a shame, kinda happened to me once, broke up with someone because I was on some weird high horse then massivly regretted it for the next two years, although I was a “kid” myself so this is probably completely different.

It takes time for change to set in and get used to it- but even like a death of a loved one, in time you just heal- you just do it, so ride it out knowing one day you will be ok, in the meantime look after the little ones, a kid only gets one childhood only, let it be a good one, take a step back and gain perspective, you already know deep down you can do it, so do it, you don’t need to punish yourself!

So sorry OP. Heartbreak is truly awful, it is normal to feel so bad