Does he like me or not?

[rhiannonslater]

So I've been talking to this boy (he's 18 and I'm 17) for nearly 4 weeks, due to lockdown we can't meet or anything so we're relying on messaging at the minute but I'm getting mixed signals now.

He talks about us together like dates we'd go on, films and tv shows we'd watch together, he compliments me and always asks about how I am and what's wrong if anything is so this makes it feel like he's interested and before I said that he seemed uninterested or that he didn't like me and he get really defensive about it and said he liked me and was interested.

But at the same time, he doesn't message me first anymore and often leaves me on read when it was a message he could have replied to i.e. asking him a question. But when I've brought up about leaving him alone because I'm annoying him, he apologises and says that he doesn't want me to leave and he really likes me and I could never annoy him.

So I'm not sure what to do because if he is uninterested then it would be best for both of us if we leave it alone. I'm starting to think maybe he's talking to someone else and trying to decide between us or is dealing with something in his life and that's why but in the past he said I'm the only girl he's talking to (as every boy does) and that there's nothing wrong when I've asked.

I've tried to not messaging but I normally cave and message to which he replies almost instantly to. So any advice on what to do would be much appreciated.

Stop stringing it out, ask him out, he'll say yes or no*, and then you'll know.

*he might also give you some sort of excuse, I'm really busy, it's a complicated time, I'm not in the right space, etc etc etc - these are all no.

OP don't "try" not to message, just DON'T. Stop chasing him.

And turn off your "read" notifications - that way when he messages, he'll think you're not sitting there waiting for a crumb from him. Leave a good amount of time before answering. Stop being so eager.

There really is only one way to find out. Don't message him and see if he finally gets in touch. If he doesn't then you have your answer.,

Wait, I know it's hard but he will message you if he's interested, you've put enough effort in so allow him to chase you.

To PP, why are you recommending gameplaying rather than communication? If she wants to know how he feels, she should ask him, and then listen to what he says, rather than setting him a secret test.

Advice like this is why we end up with so many marriages on this site that have completely broken down, because the people involved never actually talk to each other about anything important!

Its hardly a secret test to just let him get in touch first - jeez.

Also, yes it might make sense just to ask but..... if he's playing her, he's not exactly going to tell her is he!! If he's interested he'll be in touch. There is such a thing called effort and he's not putting any in.

Many men will lie about feelings to keep women warm though.

Look at actions not words.

Don't be desperate to be someone else's option. Don't message. See if he is bothered enough to message you first.

It's very, very hard and can be upsetting when you like someone and they give mixed messages. But other posters are right; I would say let him message first. If he's worth bothering with he will understand sometimes he needs to instigate conversation sometimes.

To PP, why are you recommending gameplaying rather than communication? If she wants to know how he feels, she should ask him, and then listen to what he says, rather than setting him a secret test

She has already asked if he's still interested , he says he is but still op is always the one to message first. It's not game playing to allow the boy to put in a bit more effort first for a change.

This boy is still a child at 18 , it will be quite a few years before he gets an adult brain that can make serious decisions about love.

My advice to you is to never chase a guy no matter what, especially an 18 year old. You're very young and really shouldn't be agonising over whether someone likes you or not. If they aren't making an effort and you feel unsure about how they feel, just move on and trust me you are not losing the love of your life.

there's no need for gameplaying.

He's not stepping up to your requirements for a relationship (and if he is, seriously raise your bar). Dump him and find someone else.

I'm going to give you the advice I wish someone had given me at your age:
"Do not concentrate on being chosen - focus on if this is the right man for you. Is he good enough. Look at behaviour, not words. If you want that behaviour for the rest of your life, go for it. If you don't, then don't"

they never get better, they only get worse. People value you at the level you value yourself. Show Life (and him) how much you value yourself.

No, because you're having to ask.

Read everything on this site, especially the manual.
www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

@RantyAnty that sub is extremely toxic.

Just ask him OP and move on if there is any hesitation.

@mena51

My advice to you is to never chase a guy no matter what, especially an 18 year old. You're very young and really shouldn't be agonising over whether someone likes you or not. If they aren't making an effort and you feel unsure about how they feel, just move on and trust me you are not losing the love of your life.

This is the most perfect advice for your situation. You aren't even dating yet and he's already going luke-warm!

[quote RantyAnty]Read everything on this site, especially the manual.
www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy[/quote]
I second checking out FDS, some very good advice can be found there.