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Original poster

Insensitive silent treatment

30 replies

Lissy332 · 04/12/2020 14:08

So me and my husband have been together 9 years, married for 2.
Iv had doubts a while ago about being together however lately things have been great. He’s one for the silent treatment and just not talking when an argument has happened.
On Monday evening I lost my grandmother who I was very close to, but the night before me and my husband had a small row over something very silly. So comes the not talking, even after telling my husband my grandmother had died.. he then continues not not speak to me. He hasn’t said one word! To me, this is unacceptable.
I said to him why have you not said anything to me?! A hug, a kiss would do. Nothing. I’m so hurt and can’t speak to anyone in my family as I don’t want them to think bad of him stupidly.
My friends have sent me flowers and nice things to cheer me up. But nothing from him, not even a word. I understand sometimes people don’t know what to say, but I’m his wife. Is it that hard??
I told him last year I won’t live like this, the night before my hen do this happend. And I’m sick of it.
Surly I am not being over sensitive.

OP posts:

helloxhristmas · 04/12/2020 14:10

No you're not being sensitive he is being an insensitive cock.

He was like this before your hen do? It won't get any better.

Daisy12Maisie · 04/12/2020 14:10

I think thats a deal breaker. Really horrible.

Windmillwhirl · 04/12/2020 14:17

How utterly juvenile.

Aminuts23 · 04/12/2020 14:20

How nasty OP. And I’m sorry for your loss. My ex was like this. I’d only been with him a few weeks when his GF died. He took me to the funeral but we’d argued beforehand (can’t remember why, something trivial). He blatantly and rudely blanked and ignored me all day in front of his family, most of whom I’d never met before. It was so rude and so humiliating. I should have left him right then because it never got any better.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/12/2020 14:21

What do you get out of this relationship now?

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

This silent treatment from him is actually an example of emotional abuse towards you. Do not at all try and jolly him out of his sulk because the responsibility for that is all his.

I would seriously question whether you at all want to remain with him going forward. Such men feel entitled to act like this and they do not change. This is really who he is and its also repeated behaviour from him too. He does this because he can and it works for him.

Cockenspiel · 04/12/2020 14:22

I'm afraid it is very unlikely to get better, but it very likely to get worse. It's one thing to take some headspace after a row to breathe / calm down, but this is not that at all. This is your 'D'H's way of punishing you for 'bad' behaviour and over time you will learn how to behave or else get this treatment.

It's utterly unforgiveable that he's continuing this after you've lost a close relative. Frankly his behaviour is dreadful, childish and selfish. Why are you putting up with this? Ask yourself if you would even consider being this much of a pathetic cunt towards him? Especially after one of his family members had just passed away... Imagine you wouldn't dream of it...

Please don't have children with him.. Can you imagine how this would affect them..

For me this would be ultimatum time - he either stops the silent treatment today and forever or it's over.

I'm so sorry your grandmother passes away hugs xx

user117226931 · 04/12/2020 14:26

I'm sorry for your loss.

You used the words "I'm not going to live like this" but your actions shout "I will live like this" .

If you stay with him, this will be your life.

It's not a normal, healthy relationship.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/12/2020 14:37

@user117226931

I'm sorry for your loss.

You used the words "I'm not going to live like this" but your actions shout "I will live like this" .

If you stay with him, this will be your life.

It's not a normal, healthy relationship.

This.

He sounds like a horrible prick.

Life's too short to live with someone who makes you feel sad. Who sees you feeling sad and doesn't want to make it better.

billy1966 · 04/12/2020 14:41

Nasty abusive vile man.
Pack a bag.
Go to your family.
Tell them everything.
Be glad you don't have children.
Tell your friends.

Get out of this awful relationship and move on.

What an awful person.

You have given this horror 9 years.
Don't give him any more.

NovemberR · 04/12/2020 14:48

That would be the end of my marriage. 'Winning' a trivial argument and punishing you by silence means more to him than comforting you in a tragedy. You are supposed to be the person he loves more than anything - and it is just so small and mean and petty I could never forgive him for that.

That's just such appalling behaviour that I'd be done. Utterly and forever. He will never get better.

izzyrose85 · 04/12/2020 14:58

I'm so sorry for your loss OP

What a horrible emotionally abusive man your DH is. Anyone who cared about you one jot would want to comfort you irrespective of how bad any row was that they'd had with you the day before. Please leave him and find someone who cares about you like you deserve.

Firenight · 04/12/2020 15:05

This is abusive behaviour. Please don't tolerate it.

My ex used to do this. One of the many reasons he is an ex.

strangertimes · 04/12/2020 15:55

I’m married to a man like this. It started after we had kids. If you don’t have kids get out now. Right now. Pack a bag and leave tonight. Tell your family everything. Do NOT be me. It has destroyed my life. It means I cannot be sad or grumpy or live an authentic life. I cannot rely on him emotionally for anything. It is a horrible lonely life. Get out. Please get out. This after your grandmother died. It’s disgusting. My husband didn’t come to my grandmothers funeral. Couldn’t be bothered. I should have finished with him then. This is not normal supportive relationship behaviour

StrippedFridge · 04/12/2020 15:59

@user117226931

I'm sorry for your loss.

You used the words "I'm not going to live like this" but your actions shout "I will live like this" .

If you stay with him, this will be your life.

It's not a normal, healthy relationship.

This. You can leave him. You do not need him to agree with you that the relationship is over and it is his fault.

WhyNotMeThough · 04/12/2020 16:09

I'm sorry for your loss OP. Particularly when you need some support, "the silent treatment " is abuse, it will grind you down.

I left my ex husband during a 4 day silent period, I felt extreme clarity that this was the last time in my life I would be treated in this way.
I can only suggest, if you haven't already, sit him down and clearly explain what this is doing to you. I don't think for one moment that he doesn't know exactly what he is doing but it's worth a conversation.
Depending on how that goes, maybe he'll change but I LTB and never looked back.
Good luck OP

WhyNotMeThough · 04/12/2020 16:11

@strangertimes

You can do this too, you deserve to be happy. Don't let the rest of your life be like this , do you have anyone to help or talk to?

VettiyaIruken · 04/12/2020 16:12

That is unforgivable. I am sorry for your loss.

I am also sorry you are saddled with someone so cruel that they play out their standard manipulative punishment bullshit even when you've lost someone.

Imo that shows a lack of love and caring and would be a deal-breaker.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 04/12/2020 16:13

Ime think about how your dgm would feel that this is your life. In respect to her find a better life op. Without an abusive twat in it.

madcatladyforever · 04/12/2020 16:15

Fuck him. This is totally unacceptable. You MUST leave this awful man.

Whydidimarryhim · 04/12/2020 16:39

I’m sorry for your loss.
Does your husband treat other people the way he treats you - his friends, family and work colleagues?
How does he resolve conflict with them?
He’s abusing you.
Others with the same experience have given you sage advice.

nahdenmardybum · 04/12/2020 16:48

What a cunt. You deserve better than this.

So sorry for your loss xx

MotherofKitties · 04/12/2020 16:48

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

My DH does the wall of silence thing when he's annoyed/angry/upset and it can last days and it drives me insane as I'm definitely a talk it out kind of person. I wonder if men do just shut down more...?

BUT, having said that, if a relative died or something tragic happened and I was really upset, he would snap out of it and be supportive. Your OH failing to comfort you when you've suffered a bereavement is totally unacceptable. He's being a total twat and needs to be told in no uncertain terms he's being a grade A dick and no kind of a partner to you.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

strangertimes · 04/12/2020 16:54

@WhyNotMeThough thank you but it’s too late for me. I’m too old to start again and I have kids and no local family support. I’ve accepted this is what it is and will need to forge friendships to get that emotional connection I need. I just expect nothing now and take him as I find him. It is what it is.

firecracker69 · 04/12/2020 17:05

It doesn't get much worse than what he has done, while you're grieving. It's inhumane. Sorry for your loss. You deserve better.

Buttercream22 · 04/12/2020 17:09

Sorry for your loss OP. This would signal the end of the marriage for me. He's supposed to be comforting and supporting you while you grieve, but instead he is punishing you for some argument you had the night before. This is unforgivable.

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