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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Would you feel hurt by this ?

23 replies

Tyra83 · 04/12/2020 13:03

Say you had been talking to a guy for around 5 months, he had told you he loved you, and you had started dating but yet to confirm the 'girlfriend' status.
Then when you're with him his friend phones and asks where he is and he replies "i'll call you back, just with a friend."?

OP posts:

legalseagull · 04/12/2020 13:04

I think you need to have the conversation. Very strange to tell someone you love them but not be formally in a relationship

PurpleDaisies · 04/12/2020 13:04

Have you never had a conversation about your relationship?

Original poster

Tyra83 · 04/12/2020 13:05

Well i asked him after that and he said we were together, so not sure why he said friend on the phone

OP posts:

joystir59 · 04/12/2020 13:05

I think that call was from his main squeeze

Original poster

Tyra83 · 04/12/2020 13:06

It was definitely a man as they were talking about their plans to meet right after and I could tell by the details that it was a particular guy.

OP posts:

MoonahStone · 04/12/2020 13:06

Deep down what is your gut telling you OP?

Original poster

Tyra83 · 04/12/2020 13:07

I really don't know.. It was him who said first he loved me. I asked him about it and he said it was 'easier to say on the phone then explain he was seeing somebody'

OP posts:

MoonahStone · 04/12/2020 13:08

What do you mean by 'a particular guy' strange statement

Original poster

Tyra83 · 04/12/2020 13:09

I believe that it was who he said it was, and he said 'hey man' on the phone.

OP posts:

BecomeStronger · 04/12/2020 13:11

It depends who he was talking to and why he hasn't told them about you. Also why he couldn't take the call in front of you.

Ohalrightthen · 04/12/2020 13:16

You're being played. He "love bombed" you to get you invested, and now he's dialling it right back so you feel like a crazy person.

He's also more than likely doing this to a bunch of other girls, one of whom was the "guy" on the phone.

RaininSummer · 04/12/2020 13:16

Well he obviously hasn't told some mates he is seeing you. May not mean anything or you may be secret for a reason.

MariaK91 · 04/12/2020 13:23

Seems a bit strange that you're just a nameless friend. It could have been completely innocent though! I think it would have bothered me though if he had told me he loved me. Has he told his friends about you? Why didn't he say 'I'll call you back I'm with OPname'
My head would tell you to stay calm and not read too much in to it and try to calmly probe the subject and if you're not satisfied then cut and run. My heart would go bananas. When you like someone it can be really hard to keep yourself under control but try to be dignified and sophisticated when you bring it up!

MadeForThis · 04/12/2020 13:23

It's a bit weird that he still hasn't mentioned you to his friends after 5 months. I wouldn't expect him to say "I'm with my girlfriend " but I would expect him to say "I'm with Jenny"

Original poster

Tyra83 · 04/12/2020 13:27

I noticed that right after he said it on the phone he looked at me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Tyra83 · 04/12/2020 13:28

Also if it were somebody he had had 2 dates with fair enough but after 5 months talking and saying we loved each other, plus we had just spent a week together.

OP posts:

StrippedFridge · 04/12/2020 13:32

If he hasn't told his mates he has a girlfriend and is in love then either he is lying to you about his feelings or, more likely, the friends know his actual girlfriend.

ILoveYoga · 04/12/2020 14:02

I think I agree with @StrippedFridge

If he’s talking with a friend of his, they should know about you by now.

Sakurami · 04/12/2020 14:05

It depends. Because of lockdown, I'm not seeing a lot of my friends so many don't actually know that I now have a boyfriend, just the ones I talk to regularly. So, if they phoned whilst he was there I may say the same thing.

Valleygirl27 · 04/12/2020 14:09

If you guys haven't had the girlfriend/boyfriend discussion yet then I can see why he would say friend. I've done this in the past, it is easier just to say that than 'I'm with someone I'm seeing', that would sound more awkward to me. It doesn't mean I don't really like that person or see them as more than a friend, but if we haven't had that discussion yet then I might not have wanted the person I'm seeing to make any assumptions. However if you're at the point of saying you love each other (and after 5 months I don't agree that's love bombing by saying that) then I think you should be having a discussion about what your relationship is. I would bring it up again and ask what 'being together' means for you guys, if you are exclusive, if your his girlfriend, etc.

StrippedFridge · 04/12/2020 14:23

Normal would be to say "can't talk now I'm out with Tyra." Then "Bob says hi Tyra"

anotherdisaster · 04/12/2020 15:56

Have you met any of his friends yet? Why didn't you just say "oh I'm just a friend am I?' in a jokey way after the call??
He's either not told his friend's he is seeing you, or he has someone else on the go.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/12/2020 16:05

I think if at this stage you can't say to him 'do your friends not know you have a girlfriend?' or something similar then it's not a very viable relationship. It shouldn't be awkward to clarify you think after five months you're boyfriend and girlfriend.

Either neither of you have explicitly said it, but he thinks of you as that, or he has purposefully avoided the conversation because he doesn't see you as that - in which case it's better to know that now and not waste more time if you aren't on the same page.

If you've been seeing each other five months and you're shagging, establishing whether or not you're his girlfriend in his eyes shouldn't be awkward at all! You should be able to have non stressful, perfectly reasonable conversations by now.

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