Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If your partner said this to you..

44 replies

heom45 · 04/12/2020 10:09

'I'm not responsible for your emotions'

Context is i was a bit irratable last weekend due to a few things and mentioned something he'd done that upset me.
That was his responce.
Not the first time he's said it and it crops up only when it's something to do with 'us'..

OP posts:
RhymesWithOrange · 05/12/2020 06:13

It really does sound like you'll be better off without him. But no doubt he will come crawling back.

Original poster
heom45 · 05/12/2020 08:29

Newly granny I couldn't have worded it better myself. We were in a loving relationship that I do know but this attitide and sulking / turning it round to be me has become more often even if its something minor.

Wise old I'm sorry to hear that re your parents, that can't be nice.
Youre right though and I do agree, I don't blame anyone else for my emotions apart from maybe the person who made me feel that way 'if' I feel it's fair to do so.

Last night he sent me a long message.. Firstly he'd never normally do that, he'd just go off radar.. It was all negative. I replied a simple reply of its for the best then..i know he knew he'd pushed me and honestly that takes a lot for me. I woke at 7 and immediately burst into tears, I feel such a loss of someone who could make someone so happy if only they weren't so damn stubborn and sulky😔

OP posts:
category12 · 05/12/2020 08:51

Sorry it hasn't worked out, OP Flowers

I feel such a loss of someone who could make someone so happy if only they weren't so damn stubborn and sulky😔 = basically saying if he was a different person, he'd be great. Grin

Splitting is probably for the best. Try to do nice things for yourself and lots of self-care today.

Original poster
heom45 · 05/12/2020 08:59

Category thanks.
I don't know what I'm more upset about. The fact he just stayed at home 'assuming' I'd know he wasn't coming over while also knowing I always cook dinner etc. That really upset me and hurt. He knows I have v long weeks and run round an idiot.. I'm so dissapointed.
Or the fact he literally twisted a lot round to be all me.. I will and always have openly accepted my mistakes and he knows that.
Or the fact its almost Xmas and I was really looking forward to it with him😭

OP posts:
DianeChambers · 05/12/2020 09:04

He woll proBly try to come bCk. This could be a tactic to make you conform to his wants. I know you liked the idea of him, but he sounds like a
Nob trying to wear you down with silent treatment. Id block him now.

category12 · 05/12/2020 09:19

He honestly doesn't sound like a nice person. Twisting stuff back on you, unwilling to discuss relationship problems, stonewalling etc - I think you'll find he's a bullet dodged.

Original poster
heom45 · 05/12/2020 10:43

He has great traits, but he also has this self destruct button that unless he's made to feel like number 1 he sulks.. Such a shame

OP posts:
Yachting1212 · 05/12/2020 12:02

Don’t except his behaviour. My ex did more or less this to me al along. I do wonder if he is the same person, as he used the same lines.

He is know trying to get back with me. Albeit in a very flirty and teenage manner. But he has a partner and I have told him I won’t entertain it till he is single.

Dump, it’s not worth the emotions

category12 · 05/12/2020 12:07

He has great traits, but he also has this self destruct button that unless he's made to feel like number 1 he sulks.. Such a shame

So basically his needs are all that counts to him. He'd make a bloody awful partner and a complete no-go as potential father.

20shadesofgreen · 05/12/2020 12:08

He is responsible for his behaviour. If it is bad then that is his responsibility.

You are responsible for your emotions. Emotions are just guides/clues to tell you if something is/isn’t right in the world. If something isn’t right then you are responsible for changing that however that needs to happen.

Speaking to him about his behaviour, telling him how you are feeling as a result of the circumstances you are in - including the impact of his behaviour on you. If he decides after that to continue with the behaviour that is upsetting you then ultimately you have to decide if you can live with that or not.

Original poster
heom45 · 05/12/2020 12:08

Yachting it seems to be more common than I thought but a horrible way to treat someone all the same.. Make you feel like yiu mean nothing.
He's spoken about his ex in not a great way, I should have taken some of it in, realised and walked then

OP posts:
Original poster
heom45 · 05/12/2020 12:10

Category and 20shades agreed.
When someone shuts down on you and sees what you feel is important as 'your issue' then yes it's not a good path to follow.

OP posts:
20shadesofgreen · 05/12/2020 12:19

When someone shuts down on you and sees what you feel is important as 'your issue' then yes it's not a good path to follow

Completely agree OP that is dismissive, minimising of your experiences and undermining of you.

Yachting1212 · 05/12/2020 12:26

@heom45 mine did the same. Not speaking about his current girlfriend very nice too. Every ex was crazy. I am wondering if he was driving them crazy. I am probably being touted as crazy.

Now he is sending me lots of flirty texts and saying he can resist me. He is a good boy, but wouldn’t if he wasn’t with someone.

I imagine what was going on behind my back Feel sorry for his girlfriend

honeylulu · 05/12/2020 12:39

I was joining to say the answer is something like "no you're not responsible for my emotions but I'm responsible for taking control of what's affecting my emotions, that's why I'm asking you to modify your behaviour".

Anyway now seen your update. What an arse he is! Sulks if he's not no 1! So basically he doesn't take his own advice and tries to make you responsible for his emotions by punishing you. Yeuch!

I would have said dump him but it looks like the rubbish took itself out. Be kind to yourself OP, but make sure he stays gone. He sounds awful.

DianeChambers · 05/12/2020 12:40

@heom45

He has great traits, but he also has this self destruct button that unless he's made to feel like number 1 he sulks.. Such a shame
Op youre describing someone who is awful. If he isnt number one, he makes everyone else feel shit. Move on.
Original poster
heom45 · 06/12/2020 11:32

Thanks all. Yes the sulking still continues.. Sad thing is I'm so used to it I dont even expect anything anymore. If I meant anything to him he'd pull his finger out of his ass.. Instead he will be sat watching a film feeling sorry for himself waiting for me to contact him like I've done each time before.

OP posts:
DianeChambers · 06/12/2020 16:30

Then dont. Why would you want this?!

Original poster
heom45 · 06/12/2020 20:08

Dianne I'm not going to. Doesn't make it any easier though.. Crap time of year I guess

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page