I know it can happen to us all at times, and especially in a newer relationship. Just want to nip it in the bud as I know it's incredibly unattractive and unhealthy. Been together 5 months.
Now just want to say that my boyfriend has 1/2 female friends that he talks to often and meets up with alone and I have met them too, would never dream of expecting somebody not to see their friends etc. Just because they are female.
I think the issue is that I lack confidence and can be very sensitive and take stuff the wrong way. I need to realise that just because exes cheated that not everybody will and that I must forget the past.
The first thing was a few months back when my boyfriend spoke about a mutual friend of ours. He said something like he couldn't believe how toned she was and then asking me stuff like what I thought of her new hairstyle and how cool she was, and saying he wanted to message her, or sending me screenshots of her social media posts saying how cool it was.
I matter of factly asked if he was attracted to her, he said no and I left it at that. Looking back there's nothing wrong with him admiring somebody else and thinking they are cool, it doesn't mean he's interested.
Then there was another time when he had come to stay with me for a week. He had this female friend he hadn't seen for a few months and I was more than happy to all meet up. However it ended up that he had wanted to meet her for 3/4 long days on the trot, and one day I thought we had made plans but he said that we should 'see what Katie is doing today'. I ended up confronting him, that I understood they were good friends but I felt insecure that he wanted to see her virtually every day and that we ended up spending most of the day. We hadn't seen his other friends this amount. He apologised and cancelled the plans for that day with her.
There was an ex from years ago who it had been quite toxic with. Now he has other exes who he has mentioned in passing and it doesn't bother me whatsoever. But he would talk lots about this particular one even though she was from several years ago. There were other hints and a mutual friend suggested he wasn't over this ex. It would be stuff that wasn't directly relevant to her but he brought her into the conversation.
I ended up admitting twice that I felt insecure and that he seemed to be nostalgic/not over her, and he assured me that this was not the case at all.
We all have a past and I would never expect somebody to never mention an ex at all as that is not realistic or reasonable, I sometimes mention mine too.
I realise that he has just been a bit clumsy at times and he admits this. He was very understanding and apologetic.
I don't want this to become a thing in our relationship, I know he will think other women are attractive and I trust him.
I just lack confidence and I really want to work on this. Anyone have any advice ? I just try to busy myself and tell myself that these thoughts are irrational.