What's it called when...

[catcatcatcat]

A person constantly says things like;

"I was going to take you for a nice meal then but I can't now" if you say you're seeing a friend a certain evening.

Or

"I would have got you flowers but you called me all the way home so I couldn't stop as it would've been rude because you were talking to me"

Or

"I was going to suggest we do something nice as a family that day but we can't now"

Etc etc.

I know it's annoying. But is there an actual name for it? It's like they never have to actually do anything nice, just say they would have done. Is it to make me feel guilty? Or to make out they're a good person?

Whatever it is it's exhausting. And obviously all of the "I would have" comments aren't true because they're constant.

Flowers.
Some men never think of it.
You did. You’d come along
And say you’d nearly brought me flowers
But something had gone wrong.
The shop was closed. Or you had doubts -
The sort that minds like ours
Dream up incessantly. You thought
I might not want your flowers.
It made me smile and hug you then.
Now I can only smile.
But look, the flowers you nearly brought
Have lasted all this while.

Wendy Cope ( she loves her husband)

I love the idea that flowers, nearly bought, last forever

My dad used to do this.

"I was going to buy you flowers at the garage but then I didn't". He was a proper cunt to my mum; he thought he was funny.

It's a lack of integrity. Doing what you say are gonna do. 'Flaky' is a term I often hear bandied around for when someone arranges something then bails out at the last minute.

This guy will propose then when it comes to organising the date of the wedding will make all kinds of excuses.

Perhaps plastic flowers would help here, he only needs to buy them once yet last a lifetime.

"I bought you flowers, there they are!"

Real flowers given with love Vs Tacky plastic flowers with an excuse.

Take your pick...

it's passive aggressive manipulation - blaming you and boosting his own ego.

I'm sorry but if he wanted to he would have, but he doesn't and he didn't and he wont. Ever.

Just tell him to stop lying.

Actually just end it now. He will be full of disappointment and false promise.

@tropicalwaterdiver

it's passive aggressive manipulation - blaming you and boosting his own ego.

@tropicalwaterdiver You are so right there!

I think the nature of what he's doing is caused by a range of motivations on his part....

Punishment for doing things without him..... "I was going to take you for a meal, but you're going out with a friend instead"... Trying to make you feel guilty about doing something else with a friend.

Trying to make you feel guilty about keeping him on the phone etc.... an element of control, trying to keep you on the backfoot, definite manipulation.

Storing problems or issues to fire back at you in the future " I always want to do nice things for you but you always manage to ruin it"

Perhaps a victim mentality ":everything I try to do gets spoiled!"

He sounds like a pain in the arse and hard work. My mum is like this. Nightmare.

I think it's called lying.

Guga

Passive aggressive control? Or something. In his head it goes like this:
Him: I nearly bought you flowers
You: Thank you! What a lovely thought.
Him: But I couldn't becoz you were with a friend /you got back late /were talking...
You: Oh! I'm so sorry . I won't next time, so I will get the flowers.

He's quite simply a compulsive liar.