Do you ever feel you and DH are living paralell lives?

[oneplusone]

This probably applies more to SAHM's but I sometimes feel like DH and I live in the same house and are part of the same family but we are living parallel lives. He goes off to work every morning and lives in that world and I live in my world and whereas I know what it's like to work, commute, etc he has NO IDEA what my life is like once he walks out the door in the morning. And when he gets home it's peace and quiet, kids are asleep in bed and there is no evidence of what I've been through during the day with 2 very demanding DC's under the age of 5.

Before the DC's when we were both working we shared the same 'world' as it were but now we are so far apart, it bothers me a bit. I would like him to know what I go through each day but it's so hard to explain, it's only other mums who understand.

Don't really know what I want from this thread, just wanted to have a think out loud I guess. And I suppose once DC's are older and I go back to work things will be different and our paralell lives will cross over a bit more.

Nobody? Guess it's just me then, I always knew I was weird but thought there were a few of us out there!

iknowwhatyoumeanbutmyspacebarisntworkingsonotgoingtopostlol

is this the one where dh walks in from work and says what HAVE you been doing all day?!

harumph!

presumably he has sole charge at weekends sometimes - isn't this the insight you want for him?

I am not sure you really know what it is like for dp to work all day and come back to family life, with the responsibility of bank rolling it all to boot. I think you would have more similar lives if you both worked, but it sounds as though this is actually more about your feeling under appreciated - is it?

I kind of get where you're coming from. My dh is home early enough to have family tea and then help with bedtime so he does see the chaotic end of the day but, you're right, he has no real understanding of how much hard work it can be looking after 2 dc's all day every day.

I knew he was planning on going out tonight but last night he sprang it on me that he was actually leaving the house at lunchtime today and staying over tonight so he's away for 24hrs this weekend.

He absolutely cannot grasp why I was p*ssed off about this and how it creates extra work for me and means I don't get a proper break myself this weekend.

Oh, and he's got the car so I can't even go anywhere

I know exactly what you mean! My DH works 7am - 7pm so when he comes home all is peaceful, dinner is ready, fire is on I do draw the line at slippers warming!
He has just returned from a boys long weekend diving in Scapa Flow - something we used to do together before DD. However I would rather be at home with DD than still working, diving , dining out etc than be without her.
It is hard especially when you have been used to a highly respected career girl to a SAHM. Just listening to DH getting DD ready for bed - a little insight for him . Must go wine getting warm!!

have a read of the thread about 'do you have equality in your relationship?'It's hugely relevant to this. For me, this 'parallel life' existence is precisely why DH and I have always had a shared approach to work and parenting. I was a SAHM briefly, and I found that I hugely missed the interaction with adults, and I felt DH couldn't really understand what my life was like once he walked out the door at 7.30 am. Darthvader is spot on that as a SAHM, you also can't really appreciate what it's like to have the pressure of being sole breadwinner. I get really irritated with SAHMs I know who moan that their partner gets an easy ride 'because he's just out at work all day!' Surely the whole point is that BOTH roles- going out to work and staying home looking after the house and kids - are demanding, just in different ways. All a jolly good reason to both do both I'd say!

i know how you feel.my dh used to work from home and i worked long hours (before dd came along )- he did most of housework, i'd get in and he would cook dinner. Now the roles are reversed as i am at home ( on mat leave) and he leaves house at 7am and gets in at 7pm. It is very difficult getting used to this life ..and then at weekends he wants a break but so do i. i still end up feeding, bathing, dressing dd - he does the fun stuff with him. things will have to change soon as i go back to work too..!

Hi, have been busy with bedtime, dinner etc.

Firstly, I do know what it's like to be sole breadwinner as I was exactly that whilst pregnant with DD 4 years ago. DH was unemployed for most of the pregnancy, and refused to get a job unless it was one that he really wanted so I had to go to work and pay all the bills and it was very stressful so I do have an idea of what it's like to be sole breadwinner and all the pressure that that role entails.

I guess I do feel unappreciated, I don't think my DH has any idea of the effort I put in with the kids, and how hard it can be at times and I do feel taken for granted and that what I do is not as important as his job. I'm sure many a SAHM feels this way and I don't what the solution is for me. I don't really want to go back to work as although it's tough being at home with the kids I do enjoy it as well and it's not long til DS will start at playgroup and I feel it's important for his sake that I'm at home and I will start to get a bit of my own life back once he's at nursery/playgroup.

I have had a very stressful couple of years which I've mentioned on another thread such as losing both my parents, moving house, having serious health issues and all these things also make me feel DH and I are in paralell lives where I'm on an emotional rollercoaster and he's on a flat road chugging along in his reliable car as nothing in his life has really changed. The house move affects him far less as all he does is get up and go to work and it doesn't really matter where we're living.

Oh well, I live in hope that one day soon our universes will cross over a bit more!

Blimey you have had a rough ride recently.

Perhaps it is a good thing that dp is chugging instead of both of you rollercoastering.

Seems like what you need is a plan to do stuff together more often, would that help do you think?