Splitting with no children..Have you stayed in contact

[StokKangri]

I think i'm staring down the barrel of separating from my DW whom I've known for a very long time and was my first love. But we've drifted and its been sexless (hence no kids) and I believe it's for the best in the long run.

So does anyone have any stories of being in a similar position. Did you stay in contact if their is nothing tying you together!

No. We shared a cat for a while as he kept the house and I moved into a rental that wouldn’t let me have her. So we had brief contact till I could take her back (his new Gf was allergic) and not a word since. He’s a twat. Life is considerably better without him in it.

Nope. The only time I contact him is to discuss getting the house signed over. It's up to him to organise the divorce. He wants to be friends. I think hes a shit who does not deserve my friendship

Once all finances and practical stuff sorted - no. Best to have a clean break ime, especially if one party is very hurt.

Yes, I'm still in touch with my ex H and we get along fine. No kids, but we do have a dog which lives with him and I go round regularly to take her for a walk, he comes along too with his dog (he got another after we split). Nothing bad happened that caused the split, it just wasn't right in the end.

God no.

Sometimes you can develop a friendship, but I think it's important to create distance and disengage properly beforehand. Otherwise it can stop you moving on and if one person didn't want the break-up, it might prolong things and it's quite cruel to let them hope.

Nope. Got divorced in 2012 and have never seen each other or spoken since. We'd been separated for a year before the divorce was final. We had quite an amicable split, sort of a falling out of love situation really, but never felt the need to keep in touch really. I don't miss him, I never have but I have some good memories of our life together and wish him well.

I have heard on the grapevine that he got married again a few years ago. I got married in 2014 and have since had three children. So all's well that ends well.

You can, but it isn't common (as you can see by the responses thus far). It hasn't always been easy trying to be friends with my ex, but we are getting there. No kids and I got custody of the dogs.

There were problems in our marriage, yet fundamentally he was / is a good person we just were on different paths. I think for many that can't be friends, they often discovered the person they loved wasn't who they thought they were, etc which depending on the circumstances is insurmountable to building a friendship.

Btw, I haven't yet filed for divorce not quite at the 2 year separation mark and decided I didn't want to do unreasonable behaviour.

Will he be surprised or angry you want to separate? My ex was at first, but once apart he understood. If he didn't, I suspect the friendship would not have even been possible.

Also, fully acknowledge this is all still a work in progress for me. But for me it's important, I've lost a lot of family recently and he is gets my background (I'm not from U.K.) in a way that not other friends do because we had the closeness of a married relationship for so long.

I threw exh out on a Monday. He left when I was at work. I filed for divorce that week.
Haven't seen him since. Over 8 years ago!!

We're in Scotland and it's all very Covid here with regard to divorce. If there are no children you just have to be separated for a year and you can do it yourself with a simple form. It really took the stress out of the whole thing.

God, not Covid! Civilised is what I meant!

She wont be surprised - but she doesn't want to. She is more happy with the status quo and is indifferent about the lack of sex in the marriage. I am not. But i've struggled with coming the decision, its been hard and mentally I lost it. I felt enormous guilt, especially the fact that at the age we are now then kids is likely not going to happen. Although when I said that she replied that she will have kids and that she already has a plan. Whatever that means !!

I just feel she has been a big part of my life and I want to stay in contact as friends.

I still live with my ex, in his house. I currently have a house puchase going through, although the process has slowed a bit due to covid.
He thought joining dating sites were him being 'just curious'... I was very hurt and upset by the split, but took advantage of his offer to continue living here in order to save some cash. No I'm at the point where I'm excited about moving on with my life, and says he will miss me greatly.
We may stay friends, I'm not angry anymore, but all my plans for the future do not include him other than on an occasional friend basis.

Not married but I don't speak to my ex ling term partner. We did try to keep up a friendship but it fizzled out. No animosity there, we ended up at the same event a few years ago and had a nice chat. We're still Facebook friends if that counts.

No, didn't stay in touch after divorce.
That was best for us and I really don't like him anymore.

God no. He is a cheating twat and my life is way better without him in it (he wanted to stay friends - errr, no). He said he wanted to continue to see the dog, then didn’t bother, ow is much more important, thank god we didn’t have human children! However every situation is different op and if you want to stay friends and can break up without animosity then go for it

I’m still in touch with all three of my long-term exes, to some degree or another. One is a long distance friend (he moved back home to New Zealand which was the reason we separated, so no hard feelings whatsoever) and we keep in touch by phone and Zoom; one I’d still count among my best friends (she just eventually wanted different things in life to what I did) and we get on like a house on fire, still holiday together most years etc; one I keep in sporadic touch with, occasional exchange of text messages, maybe meet once a year or so; but we broke up because we were very different people and made each other miserable together because we couldn’t agree on anything, which explains why we aren’t great friends as we don’t and never really did have a lot in common.

I think most people, if they do stay in touch at all, end up more like the third one. If your wife doesn’t want to separate then it’s likely to be a pretty resentful breakup with not a lot of good will.

I think you have to be realistic. Me and ex DH were great friends and had been together for over a decade when we split, but people react differently during a divorce than you might expect. I moved on very quickly but he found the whole thing much more traumatic and it meant we couldn't really stay in each other's lives.

You might want to stay friends but she might find it too hard or end up quite angry. Negotiations over assets and all that can also bring out the worst in people.

I think you have to prepare yourself that you won’t be friends, your relationship is no longer on the same footing and it’s best not to assume what new form it’s going to take.

It’s probably better to bank on the communications being stilted and civil and about tasks/arranging the split. Worst case scenario is animosity, in which case withdrawing and only communicating through solicitors or in writing to keep it to the point and recorded would be my advice.

No. I divorced 1st husband 32 years ago, I have no idea where he is, what he's doing or if he's still alive.

Thanks all - some fascinating tales but overall I guess you part for a reason. I had some relatives where the wife cheated and left. The husbands mum still kept in contact with her, more than she did her own Mum. Its one of those family stories that I don't really know why - when she was the one that sort of behaved badly.

Yes. We split over 10 years ago and I still go down the footie with him on a Saturday (not at the moment, clearly). Grrr

He had a long-term relationship after me. That ended and he's now engaged to someone else. It's all good. He doesn't want to be single. I do