Separated Parents Information Programme

[Pebbledashery]

Has anyone ever been Court ordered to do this? - especially in a domestic abuse situation? my ex and I have been CO to do it but CAFCASS have written to the Court that it isn't appropriate for us to, so not sure what to do?!

My other half was a victim of domestic abuse - mediation is not advised in his case as his 3x was physically and verbally abusive with police involvement.
However court still ordered them to both attend the SPIP. It was done separately. Why have cafcass said it isn't appropriate? Did you contact cafcass after the court ordered it to dispute it?

@ThisMustBeMyDream the Judge ordered it but CAFCASS have written back to the Court to query the entire Court order including the SPIP, there was severe domestic abuse in our relationship and he's got multiple safeguarding concerns so that's why it isn't appropriate. I've just told the facilitator I will do it but it's completely pointless as we will never be co-parenting!
How did your partner find it?

Does it involve any contact with your ex, OP?

How did the contact last weekend go?

@MotherOfDragons85 I won't see my ex at the SPIP.
It didn't go well at all :( but if I say too much it's going to be outing and don't want to ask MN to remove another thread.. it's not going well at all :(

Having read your past threads I honestly think this is a great idea.
The court don’t seem like they’re going to order your ex to have no contact. So despite your feelings (and I understand your fears) you’re going to have to learn to co-parent with him.

@FelicityPike not inclined to agree with you given as I know him and I know he would never be able to Co parent with me. These types of programmes aren't design for parents with safeguarding issues and relationships that have been subject to abuse.

[quote Pebbledashery]@FelicityPike not inclined to agree with you given as I know him and I know he would never be able to Co parent with me. These types of programmes aren't design for parents with safeguarding issues and relationships that have been subject to abuse.[/quote]
I didn’t expect you to agree with me. You have your own agenda.
I just think that (hopefully not) one day you might be in for a shock when your ex “proves” (even if it’s pulling the wool over people’s eyes) that he can be a good father to his daughter.
I’ve worked with people in similar circumstances and some of them were really blinking by their fear and loathing (rightfully so).
I’m in no way deminishing your feelings and I really have read all of your threads. I do wish you well.

If there's no contact with Ex involved I'd go along and do it, to show willing. If you don't follow the CO as much as possible when they're not making you or DC unsafe it may count against you with the Judge. I'm not sure if I've read all your threads, but certainly quite a few. I understand your fears, but if this feels pointless but not unsafe, unless you get notice from the court it's no longer required I would do it. It will show that where CO don't put you or DC at risk you are willing to follow them as much as possible. Some judges it really counts against you if you don't follow CO. I wouldn't recommend doing something unsafe but it sounds like you feel this is more a waste of time than a risk.

@Pebbledashery ignore @FelicityPike although they say they have read your posts they clearly missed out the bit where he ABUSED his child as well as you, their mother.

Unfortunately when you abuse a child and their parent, you lose any right to spend time with that child without close supervision in a suitable environment. That poor child could end up harmed.

OP keep fighting for you and your child’s safety, if even CAFCASS are worried for you both then it says everything as CAFCASS in my experience are all for co parenting even in some cases of abuse. You have them on your side! Maybe push to get back to court ASAP as something has clearly gone wrong and your solicitor seems to be the issue.

Also just to add in I think you should do it anyway, as it’s court ordered - wrongly or rightly it’s always best to comply.

Thank you @MotherOfDragons85 I've joined the programme for that exact reason. I don't want to be seen as not complying to the court order so for that simple reason I'll do it even though its a waste of 4 hours of my time.

I had to do it. Im a survivor of DA from that relationship. Biggest load of crap I've had to endure.
My advice, go and sit through it. Bite your lip hard and walk out. Off load to sympathetic friends about how dire and victim blaming the whole thing was. Drink wine in knowledge box is now ticked
Horrendous experience

@PurpleSweetPeas thankfully its via Zoom so I don't have to go anywhere except my front room.
I've just said to the facilitator that I will do it because I don't want it to return to Court as non-attendance. That's simply the ONLY reason I am doing it.
Why on earth do they order victims of domestic abuse to do the course when its quite clear your perpetrator will NEVER be able to co-parent with you.

[quote Pebbledashery]@PurpleSweetPeas thankfully its via Zoom so I don't have to go anywhere except my front room.
I've just said to the facilitator that I will do it because I don't want it to return to Court as non-attendance. That's simply the ONLY reason I am doing it.
Why on earth do they order victims of domestic abuse to do the course when its quite clear your perpetrator will NEVER be able to co-parent with you.[/quote]
I have no idea. It was truly awful and I felt like I was being blamed for the way the relationship was.
I did mine a while ago in person and there were men on it who quite clearly had very negative views of their ex and that was very uncomfortable.

@PurpleSweetPeas They have actually just contacted me, the facilitator from SPIP, they said after what I disclosed to them yesterday they need to have a chat with me to understand the best way forward because they don't think it's appropriate I do the programme if I am in hiding from my ex partner! which I am - he doesn't know where we live!