SO feeling upset that they're 'not needed'

[couldntgiveaflyingfudge]

Has anybody else been in a position where they spend a substantial time of their lives with their children, being made to feel that they're taking the piss for askIng their SO to stay and help in the early years. Please note it's not a requirement, just a weak moment of missing SO and subconsciously wishing he would choose his family. Normally light hearted but the response is that you're a selfish cow for even suggesting it. It's gotten to the point where I'm not interested in asking for anything like this, and now he's hurt wondering why I don't ever want or ask for his help. Has anybody else ever felt that way?

Are they his children as well? Of course he should parent them with you

Yes they're his children too. He refers to his time with them as 'babysitting'. It's honestly put me right off him. I can't stand it anymore and I don't want his help, apparently that's hurtful

@couldntgiveaflyingfudge

Yes they're his children too. He refers to his time with them as 'babysitting'. It's honestly put me right off him. I can't stand it anymore and I don't want his help, apparently that's hurtful

Oh my god that's my pet peeve. Babysitting. They're HIS CHILDREN.

I bet if he does even 10% of a house chore he says he's 'helping' you as if he's doing you a favour by you not doing 100% of the chores when he's 50% of the adults in the home!

Ditto when people describe a man as a 'hands on dad' I get the rage as I've never, ever heard a woman described as a 'hands on mum', it's just expected women will be the default parent.

Ugh. This will give you the ick very quickly.

Tell him straight, like you've said to us. He's not a 'babysitter' he's a parent and it's as much his job as yours to look after them so he's not doing you any favours, he's actually not pulling his weight. Are you a SAHM or do you work? I certainly hope he works as he does little else.

He's employed but has been off sick for the majority of time that we've had DC together. There are often reasons why he can't help me. He can't hoover, can't cook, can't take bins out, can't tidy up toys or fold clothes. Honestly I can't see a point in him. Which I guess is coming through in my behaviour because he gets all upset when he asks if I need him to stay with me and I say no I'm absolutely fine without him. I can't understand the mentality of wanting somebody to need you when you are so useless

It's all ego and selfishness.

He wants you to want him to help but he also wants to abdicate himself from the responsibility of doing so entirely.

Aka a common, garden variety prick.

By the sound of it you'd be so much better not being in a relationship with him anymore. You already do everything, you just wouldn't have to listen to him insufferably wittering on about his wants and needs with no thought for yours.

Ditch.