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Relationships

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Lack of sex and porn

8 replies

demichristinaa · 01/12/2020 09:16

I need some advice
My boyfriend (M27) and me (F24) only have sex once a month and I’ve come to realise that couples usually do it several times a week so why can’t we? Do you think he’s lost his attraction towards me? We’ve been together for three years and have a three month old. During my pregnancy we only had sex around 4-5 times. I’ve always wondered when he...you know.

Well for the past two nights he’s thought I was asleep and I felt the bed shaking a little and when I turn around he quickly clicks off of what he was on so it’s obviously porn. I don’t have a problem with porn itself because I watch it too sometimes...but that’s mainly because I feel like I don’t have sex enough in reality. Two nights ago we had sex and on that same night was the night I found out he watches it whilst I’m asleep. Why did he feel the need to watch it and masturbate only a few hours after we had sex?

Our three month old sleeps in our room so whenever this once a month sex actually happens he always initiates in the middle of the night, wakes me up and it’s only a quick and quiet thing. Mainly because baby is sleeping. But that’s the only time he’ll initiate it’s only ever in the middle of the night except from this one time a few days ago which was in the evening but that’s the first time in the evening this year!

The last time I tried to initiate he wanted to stop half way thought. It was his birthday morning and he stopped me and said “ later” we’ll that later never happened and it only happened then after that a few days later in the middle of the night so i haven’t bothered since. I just don’t get it? I feel so down lately and insecure like somethings off. Everything else is fine in the relationship, kisses, cuddles etc etc. Do you think he’s just bored of me or something.

OP posts:
ftmrv · 01/12/2020 10:59

☹️

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/12/2020 11:56

This sounds really sad and I can see how it's chipping away at your confidence, it would anyone I think. Have you spoken to him about it?

ftmrv · 01/12/2020 12:05

Sorry I changed my username. No I haven't spoken to him about this because I know he'll just brush it off and not take it seriously he'll probably just laugh. and let's say I do mention it and he does have sex with me more often it'll just feel forced ☹️I want it to happen naturally I want him to actually want it with me.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/12/2020 12:13

@ftmrv

Sorry I changed my username. No I haven't spoken to him about this because I know he'll just brush it off and not take it seriously he'll probably just laugh. and let's say I do mention it and he does have sex with me more often it'll just feel forced ☹️I want it to happen naturally I want him to actually want it with me.
I think it's impossible to have a healthy, good and fun sex life if you're with someone you can't communicate with easily. I know that's not easy to hear but without communication things can't improve.
youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/12/2020 12:15

Speak to him and say, calmly rather than an argument, it's upsetting you and damaging your self confidence so you'd like to talk about it to improve the relationship. If he laughs or brushes it off then he isn't invested enough in the relationship to want to make it work I'm afraid Thanks

ftmrv · 01/12/2020 12:20

Yeah you're right, I'll take your advice I will speak to him about it and see what he says I guess it's the only thing I can do at this point. Thank you Smile

CorianderQueen · 01/12/2020 13:01

DP and I are 25 and have sex less than you. My contraception affects my sex drive and he's only into it if I am.

It bothers me a bit because I want to want it more but I don't. He's said he will say something if he ever feels unhappy about it. He hasn't yet.

Not everyone has a high sex drive and that's ok so long as you're both accepting of it and communicate about your needs. Masturbation is often just quick and easy release. He may have got in the habit when you were pregnant and hasn't muddled out of it yet.

Wanking in the bed is rude. But some people find it helps them sleep if they're struggling. He should go to the loo though esp because the baby's in with you.

You need to discuss the situation and the fact that you feel unfulfilled. In a healthy relationship he should be OK to discuss both. Your needs and his own.

ftmrv · 01/12/2020 13:28

@CorianderQueen

DP and I are 25 and have sex less than you. My contraception affects my sex drive and he's only into it if I am.

It bothers me a bit because I want to want it more but I don't. He's said he will say something if he ever feels unhappy about it. He hasn't yet.

Not everyone has a high sex drive and that's ok so long as you're both accepting of it and communicate about your needs. Masturbation is often just quick and easy release. He may have got in the habit when you were pregnant and hasn't muddled out of it yet.

Wanking in the bed is rude. But some people find it helps them sleep if they're struggling. He should go to the loo though esp because the baby's in with you.

You need to discuss the situation and the fact that you feel unfulfilled. In a healthy relationship he should be OK to discuss both. Your needs and his own.

Even before pregnancy I can't remember it being as often as I'd like. I know masturbation is quick and easy but it honestly seems like he watches porn very often...makes me feel like I'm not good enough or he's bored of me or he really can't be bothered to do it with me ☹️. I'll speak to him, thank you for your advice
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