The blame game

[Hushmush]

Does anyone else’s partner blame them for things that they haven’t done and actually he’s/ she’s done themselves? It seems to be a thing with my OH. For example- today the house phone had been switched off at the wall. Not me, he switches everything off the night before, but he raises his voice and blames me for switching it off. It’s one silly example but this isn’t the only time. I know it’s when he’s stressed out but I find it really upsetting and it makes me feel on edge and makes me question myself. I even can go as far as to say that I feel guilty or responsible about
/ for these things when I know I haven’t done them.

My exh used to do this. I really wore me down.

Sounds like gaslighting. He blames and confuses you to manipulate you - to control you.

I had it for years and in the end thought I was useless. I was a good mum, friend, employee etc. but behind closed doors he tried to destroy me.

Have a look at this:
www.google.com/amp/s/metro.co.uk/2020/06/13/guide-darvo-gaslighting-response-people-give-when-called-bad-behaviour-12847680/amp/

My ex did. It's like it doesn't even matter what happened (who did what), all they know is they are pissed off for some reason so it must be your fault and you should be punished. There's little logic. My ex once called me to swear and shout at me because he had forgotten to pick something up. Nothing to do with me but still my fault.

I wonder if there are other things that he does that are upsetting? Is this in a background of a happy relationship?

No, my husband doesn't do this
Look at the above messages, it's an ex who did it.

It's awful and destructive and I suffered this at the hand of my ex. You absolutely must highlight it when it happens otherwise slowly but slowly they start to believe their own lies (and make no mistake they know they are lying. It's a control mechanism).