Considering break up - no ambition/financial worries

[Ilona2]

Expecting a lot of hate on this thread.
I’ve been seeing a man for about 9 months. I am 29 and have a child (5yo). I work as receptionist and I am studying university to become a social worker one day(hopefully). I met this wonderful person. We have loads in common and spend all the time together. He is 32. In my past relationship with my child’s dad who was a construction worker we really struggled financially and I think the Financial pressures were one of the reasons to break up. Now me and my partner are considering moving in together and both really want family in next 2-3 year together. I always wanted more than one child. However, he works in retail shop and earns basic wage and doesn’t have much ambitions to achieve more in life (turned down assistant manager position recently). Now I’m starting to be worried if I end up with this man I will never buy a house. I will never have any savings and my past will repeat itself. I know money is not everything. But the stress that I will have to start working full time straight after our child will be born(if we end up going that route) and that we will barely be able to afford rent stresses me out to the point I am thinking about breaking up . Any advice appreciated. I feel like a terrible person - but at the same time I think finances are important. I’m feeling anxious how future on minimum wage looks like

Does he have to be the breadwinner ? Does he support you in your career ?

I think you have to respect each other to have a longterm relationship and his lack of ambition may cause resentment.

9 months is still early days and it takes much longer to know someone but he's 32 so unlikely to change. Only you can know if this will be enough for you..I think you know it won't be and you are disappointed in him.

It isn't wrong to want someone whose values are more aligned to yours.

Can you have a proper chat about the future, life goals, finances, his attitude to you possibly working part time later etc? You need to be on the same page, and its better to find out now. Bringing up children ain't cheap.

Why does he have to be the breadwinner of the household? Make your own money it's much more rewarding. For a long time I earned almost double what my husband earns. Now he actually earns more than me since he changed career paths. Even when DH earned less we still lived very comfortably as my wage supported us.

Finances are important. You don’t sound like a gold digger but you do sound like someone who’s ambition is not matched by his. Is it money or lack of ambition?

Personally I couldn’t be with someone who financially depended on me. I do t expect to be supported...I just don’t want to support anyone else.

The fact that he has rejected a promotion that has been handed to him on a plate is pretty revealing.