Would you leave someone for these reasons

[Reggarson]

Yes I know it’s my decision and if it’s wrong for me then that’s all that matters. I’m just thinking it over and wondering if I’m being dramatic.

I’ve only been with DP for 10 months, we’ve bubbled up and lived together recently. I was using his laptop for work when mine stopped working and his email was logged in. It was full of emails from a dating site (from before we met), I can’t remember the name but it’s tagline was ‘illicit encounters’ and the set up was basically people who wanted to be discrete for a bit of fun.

Dp was single for a year before we met and I can’t help but wonder why he didn’t just meet people in the usual way on online dating or at work etc. Why seek out illicit encounters specifically? I guess because it was easier than having to make small talk when you just want sex..but it makes me feel a bit grossed out.

A while ago we went to see his school friend and he asked me to text him the eta (DP was driving). I went to send the message and the last one was from way back (I messaged via Facebook) and it said ‘I need some rebound ASAP’... and it was evident he had been chatting to random women trying to sort out his next opportunity to have sex. I know this is not anything hugely out of the ordinary but the whole thing has made me see him in a different way. I also now know he was seeing someone else when he started seeing me, despite telling me how great he thought I was and giving the impression he was only seeing me (I know he’s not obliged to be exclusive by any particular point if we’ve not discussed it).

I’ve been reflecting on our bedroom activity and he will usually just go straight in for sex, tiny bit of foreplay but just enough to get me going rather than wanting to spend time on it. Absolutely no kissing...when I’ve tried he half heartedly kisses back but what I’m trying to say is there’s not real loving touch there or genuine desire to want to hold me or kiss me...and now I know all of the above I just think this is who he is, maybe I’m just a tick box for his sexual desires...

Get rid of him now OP. He won’t get any better in bed he’s obviously very selfish. He’s used to using these sites (or even prostitutes) for a quick shag and that’s why he’s shit in bed. You deserve a lot better. Invest in a vibrator or something of that sort and get to know your own body, when you do meet someone else REQUIRE him to take some time and please you.. good luck!

with regards to the emails, I would be careful from my recent experience, having been sent fuck knows how many from a website telling me which women want to have sex with me and how to avoid my wife finding out, or something to that affect.

I am a woman who is with a man and not married and have never been on the site, let alone given them my email. I had to change all my passwords on everything as I couldn't figure out how they had my email, but assume details had been sold on.

Crap sex, I would pass on the guy

The meet ups before you dated wouldn’t worry me. A friend of mine used those sites pre Covid as she doesn’t want a conventional relationship right now. She intends to use them again when it’s safe.
They really wouldn’t be for me at all I have to say.
The thing that would bother me and I’d have sent him packing is the lack of intimacy. You deserve so much more op.

I am surprised you didn't ask this question about 8 or 9 months ago. End the relationship.

This is the type of man who could easily use prostitutes. Easily. You know this is something that doesn't sit right with you, so trust yourself and act on it. I wouldn't be with someone like this even though it was his single days. It tells me more about what he finds acceptable and that would go against what I don't agree with.

@VirgilAdventure19

You really are quite pathetic, aren't you.

Ick and chuck.

@User6655645 say what you will.

The illicit encounters site wouldn’t bother me. It’s not pretending to be a dating site so at least everyone knows what they’re there for. The sex issues are different - I wouldn’t be happy about the lack of variety but every time a woman posts on here about not wanting to give blow jobs she’s told she shouldn’t be expected to do things she doesn’t want to - I guess that cuts both ways. Can you actually orgasm from just PIV though because I can’t and lots of women can’t.( you don’t actually need to answer here) I wonder how bothered he is about your enjoyment? . The kissing is also really sad - I can’t imagine dating for only 10 months and not kissing. I don’t think it bodes well for your relationship moving forward.