What do I do next? Early dating

[ladybug67]

Hi everyone! I’m a single female in my 20s and have been texting a guy I sort of know in person for a while. We didn’t know each other that well but I replied to one of his stories about a month ago and we have texted every day since.
He seemed really lovely, sending long texts and genuinely showing interest in me too by asking me questions etc. We really made each other laugh, he was always interested in my day and after a few weeks he offered to FaceTime one Saturday night over some snacks and a couple drinks.

Naturally, things have now got pretty flirty and cheeky. We had also decided to meet one time for a walk (his idea) but he cancelled last minute and was apologetic. The texts also toned down a fair bit and were less exciting. I worried he wasn’t as keen. He didn’t initiate any other plans for a while but then we met on the weekend.

We ended up at his place and ended up sleeping together which was super fun and we spent the whole evening and night together. We were also chatting about all sorts, he was telling me all these stories, asking me things, we were playing card games, listening to music, etc etc. At some points we were really laughing and having fun together. We had quite a few drinks. It was so nice. In the morning, he had a bit of a hangover. He seemed pretty off and I remembered he mentioned he sometimes gets bad hangover anxiety. He’s opened up to me about his mental health before and I really felt for him because he genuinely seemed quite on edge and looked sad. He reassured me it was nothing to do with me and he just felt really low as he does sometimes.
He texted me as soon as I left yesterday telling me to get home safe and he will message me when he feels a bit better. He didn’t text me all day and so I shot him a quick message at the end of the night telling him I actually had a really fun time. He replied this morning saying “I had a great time too! Hope you have a good day”

I don’t know if I’m paranoid but it seems really off for him. We would normally text multiple times a day and he’d usually text again if I hadn’t texted back (not in an annoying way). Our tone was always really jokey and texty but this seems serious and quite blunt. Also, there’s been no text since and this was 7 hours ago. Admittedly I haven’t replied to it but I don’t want to come across needy/clingy and want to play it cool. I don’t really know how to approach this as I definitely want to see him again but don’t want to do all the chasing.

What do I do? TIA x

I would not contact him and wait and see. You don't know him that well and don't want to come across as needy. Also at this early stage do you really want to get involved with someone like this?
Try and distract yourself in the mean time.

My advice would be not to message him, your gut feelings are right, he was super exited before you slept with him and now it seems that's all he wanted, the hangover anxiety wouldn't be a long lasting thing if at all when your truly into someone.
I'm afraid you'll have to cast this one into the bit of fun pile and put it down to experience, talking from my own experience if men want a relationship with you, they actually aren't in a rush to sleep with you, they are respectful and keep up plenty of communication, I assume you want more? Or you wouldn't care?
The warning signs were already there, the cancellation of the date, less texting than normal, if he does come back to you just be very careful that your on the same page and looking for the same kind of relationship but from what you say he's only looking for something casual.

Wait for him to initiate. Sit on your hands and do not text x

This seems to be so common, they lure you in with the texting and attention, get what they want then cool off. OP protect yourself at this point, let him initiate don't chase him! I chased time after time and was always let down. Prepare yourself that he has lost interest as that way you're less likely to get hurt.

I know it sounds silly but I just reaaally want to talk to him!! I had such a laugh on the weekend and really felt like we clicked and he has said he had a great time, but things really have cooled off. It’s really unlike him to not text me all day and he used to initiate :(

This scenario is repeated on Mumsnet over and over again. Stick around and see. Maybe it could serve as a bit of a warning that people are not always what they seem and sometimes it is worth biding your time and getting to know someone a bit better before you sleep with them - unless you are entirely open to the idea of it being a ONS and you are happy with that.

I think you should move on. There will be better men out there.

I wouldn't peruse this.

Either hes got what he wanted (sex) and has decided not to take things a great deal further, or hes going to be hard work due to him being 'on edge' or 'sad'.

Either way, this would be a red flag for me and I'd walk away.

He's got the shag he wanted with someone he likes, but doesn't love, and now he's cooled off. Did you really expect different? Walk away. He'll get back in contact when he wants sex again.

I'm of the opinion, that when a guy is keen, he's setting up a second date/asking when you're next free, either at the end of the first date or the next day. The only men who don't do this - are the ones who are luke warm about you, like you but don't see a future, looking to pass time, or are dating a bunch of other people and you're not #1 on that list.

People can have a fantastic time on a date, stay up all night talking, confessing, sharing - doing all the things you've described, because they like you as a person. They fancy you. But that is not the same as liking you ENOUGH to want to see you again or date you seriously.

I've done this myself - spent a great day and night with a guy who I liked, enjoyed his company, the sex was good too - but I knew there was no future for various reasons. However, as we were on a date, I wanted him to have a nice time, and enjoy himself, and also I genuinely enjoyed our time together. However, as it was a 1st/2nd date - I didn't want to be brutal and tell him I saw no future, and have to answer awkward questions on why not - so did the slow fade hoping he'd get the hint. He did get the hint, it saved his pride, saved me from letting someone down. If he'd asked what was up, I would have told him the truth.

Don't invest anymore into him until he sets up a concrete date very soon. Not in a week/few weeks when he's bored. Also, if he is dealing with this kind of social anxiety, it will be hard on the relationship. I dated someone like this once, and dreaded him going to drinking as it meant he'd vanish on me for a few days afterwards. I had to walk on egg shells around him too, to not trigger an episode. It's too stressful - and unless he's getting therapy/help for it, I'd wide avoid.

It sounds like you've just been ghosted. Sadly this is the trouble when people build up a connection through texting for weeks on end. You don't mourn the person, it's just having someone the other side of a phone!

Respect yourself and stop messaging him. You've had sex and now he's gone quiet. It's not rocket science really harsh as it is...just another pathetic male out there...

Am just thinking, do men ever wonder what’s going on and wait for a woman to make a move too?

Cos in fairness I don’t know if it’s hypocritical of me cos I’ve barely said anything either. He sent the message instantly after we met, I replied, then he did and I ignored. I messaged again, then he replied and I didn’t reply. And today I got upset cos he hasn’t texted me all day.... but I haven’t either.
I also remember him saying something once about how he likes women who are upfront and knows what they want.
So part of me says how can I be moaning or upset about it if I haven’t been messaging him either? Should I just say how much I want to see him?

I don't do the games and wait. I just message.
Send him a message, be nice but not clingy, his reply or lack there of will give you your answer.

Hes already told you he has mental health issues.....I have no idea what "bad hangover anxiety" is as have never heard of it. He may only want a FWB kind of thing as he cant cope with anything else. Just text him and see what he is up to and see if he wants to hook up again. He's told you he likes women who know what they want. If he doesn't want another date then you know...job done, no more anxst, get on with life and find someone else.

@ladybug67 text him, say that you had such a lovely time last time and does he want to go out again sometime? And say I hope you recovered from your hangover by now! Keep it light, fun and non-pressured. Be honest, kind and straightforward.

I know so many men do feel the difficulties of constantly having to be the one doing the asking and being rejected all the time.

And then do the most important bit - COME BACK AND UPDATE US!!!

OP, I don't think he's wondering about you and wanting to hear from you, unfortunately. He wouldn't have just said "have a great day", he would be asking what you're up to and trying to arrange to see you again. Yes, it could be a slower thing... but really,you want someone who is excited about you, not someone who messages later in the week once he has got horny again.