How do I process disappointment and avoid blame?

[purplefig]

Any tips on allowing yourself to process disappointment in a way that doesn't blame others or make them feel bad?

Long story short...we splurged on a new double fridge freezer. It was a significant amount of money for us. It arrived and the delivery driver said it wouldn't fit through the door but we could try taking the doors off, my husband said thanks and they left. He then unwrapped it from most of the packaging and managed to get it into the kitchen, which to be fair was quite an impressive feat. Sadly, it's now dented in a few places.

I'm really gutted. I know it's a small thing in the grand scheme of things (and I'm aware it probably feels like a bigger disappointment given the relentless crushing disappointment of this year), but still.

I'm also aware I should have spoken up and said let's take the doors off etc. I'm really not a retiring type, but I'm not the most practical person so I kind of left him to it as I was preoccupied with our 9-month-olds dinnertime.

How do I let this go?? I know it seems like a petty, small thing, but I think I have a problem with letting things go in general. Any tips - I'm all ears!

Firstly, if something upsets you in a way that seems out of proportion to you. ask yourself if this connects to something deeper.

This could be that it’s another instance of a recurring pattern or dynamic in the relationship that is meaning FIL to you. If so, work out how to fix it by talking it through with the other person. If you can’t talk about with the other person tactfully, either because you find it really difficult to raise things or for fear of their reaction, you’ve got deeper issues.

It could also be that it connects to an upsetting incident or relationship in your part. In which case that’s something you need to try to understand, accept and heal in yourself.

If your disappointment isn’t connected to anything deeper, just give yourself a bit of space to feel it, and as you feel and accept it, the feeling will pass.

I don’t know how big the dents are but one of those magnetic notepad/ weekly planner things would cover quite a large dent - if it isn’t possible to fix.