Im 25 yet still bit jealous of my parents adopting!

[oliviaelanasmum]

Hi i know i shall probably get jumped on straight away, but my mum and dad are foster carers and have decided to adopt one of the children they care for. I know im an adult but i feel slightly put out that i was just informed of the situation and not consulted. I have kids of my own so im embarrassed to feel like this! Haven't said anyhting to my parents as im very close to them and dont want to fall out with them.

Hiya, what your feeling sounds very normal, just didn't want your post to go unnoticed

Thanks Quootie

Sounds like a really normal reaction - I think I'd feel quite hurt if my parents did the same. If you are very close to them, perhaps it'll be easier to talk to them than you think. Is there a reason you think it'll cause a fall out? Can you just say you're a bit surprised they never mentioned it an see how they respond?

I didn't want to mention it to them as my mum will just immediatly think im being selfish which i know in one way i am. I just feel that when my mum and dad had me and my siblings money & time was tight but now everything is more settled and another child is getting everything we didnt. Have just read that back and i sound so cruel

No, you don't sound cruel at all!! Really. I think anyone would feel like this. After all, they are YOUR parents. It's natural.

Thanks Speccie im glad someone else can see my point, i may talk to my sister about it and see how she feels.

your parents sound cool

Not cruel, but perhaps peeved? yes you were born at a time when you couldn't have everything you wanted but your parents are fab enough to want to carry on parenting.

I can understand why you would feel that way and I think I would probably feel that way too, probably most people would, but I am not sure what you can do to change your feelings. There is no doubt the adoption will change all your relationships as you will have an extra sibling and you will have to share your parents and all of your family with this person. Maybe time will sort it out.

Is there somebody else in your family, maybe of your parent's generation who you can talk to and who in turn can have a gentle word with them to remind them not to exclude their existing children or to allow their relationship with those children to go into the background.

Presumably you know the child that your parents wish to adopt. Do you have a relationship with the child at all? How does the age of the child compare to the age of your children?