MIL, have tried grey rock, what next?

[showgirlie]

MIL minds my DC 2 days a week and im very grateful for this but shes very different to my own mother and i find it difficult to be around her. She can be great in some ways, thoughtful and helpful but a bit of a martyr. Shes also judgemental and superficial, more concerned about how clean or perfect someones house is sitting or what clothes they're wearing than deeper more important things.

She is excellent at getting a little sly dig in here and there (the ones where you question yourself thinking am i being too sensitive), often theres an unlying current and it can be awkward.

DH doesn't really pull her up on things because 1. He doesn't care enough about what she thinks (fair enough) 2. Usually when they fall out its massive. Ive never really had huge fall outs with my mum.

Anyway, i have to have minimal contact with her for drop off/pick ups etc but ive cut down on any messages, i will politely reply but do not ask questions or initiate anymore conversation.

How do i deal with her when i do have to see her? I find it difficult because if she were my mother i would call her out and it would be done with but as shes my MIL it's awkward! I just feel so awkward around her like I can't just be chilled around her.

Every time she makes a dig pretend you couldn’t hear her properly and make her repeat it. Then look puzzled as if you don’t know what she means and get her to explain.

You can’t grey rock someone who is looking after your children. You need to be able to have a good relationship with someone in this position of trust. If you and she are not able to do this she to need to stop the childcare xx

She enjoys making sly digs to make you feel bad. Often done through jealousy or pure spite. It says more about her self esteem that the only wayshe feels 'big' is to do it.
Don't call her out because that is what she wants. She wants you to get upset and argue so she gets to play victim and has lots of attention.
With my mother, I say "oh right and laugh" or "maybe". She'll try harder at first but will give up possibly only temporarily sobe prepared at all times.
Re contact and getting DH to do it. She wants that too. Go with him, be icily polite. It'll drive her nuts.