Tell me about your life after divorce

[Raver84]

Morning
I'm 8 months into divorce, selling my home in New year. Still living with ex. Each day seem like such hard work. Over the intiial crying every day but still have ups and down. I have 4 children. Tell me life improves or at least stabalises!!

Ps we lived together for 7 months post split, the advantages of having a larger house and larger income. I moved away (my choice) and we decided not to sell until after the kids graduate so I still stay there if I need to be in that area, get on great with ex, also get on with dp's ex too

We haven't told the dc yet and I'm dreading it. Just waiting for the living arrangements to be finalised so we can given them more definite answers.

Good luck, @MotherForker. We told the DC as we thought the house was about to go on the market but I'm now trying to keep it. It might not work but I want to try. How old are yours?

I've separated from my DH 6 years ago. I'll start with the negative;

The effect on my DCs. My ex was fine until I met my DP - then holy hell broke loose. The poison fed into their little brains was so harmful - one DC refuses to go to his home and it has caused him a lot of inner turmoil over the years.

The positives;

I didn't have a pot to pi$$ in but I made things happen.

I changed career and this has enabled me to stay in the family home with him off the mortgage - that feeling was AMAZING. I kept walking around my home (that I had lived in for years) with the biggest feeling of accomplishment ever.

I went on a sexual voyage of discovery. Realised what I wanted and had so many experiences.

I met my DP after 3 years of being single. He was my second date from OLD. He is everything I ever wanted but didn't know a guy like that could even exist. My DCs love him, respect him and take their lead from him due to his level-headedness. Hes good for them. I was concerned that nobody would love my DCs as much as I wanted them to and he does. We are moving in together to a beautiful home next year.

The time without my DCs. This was easier when they would both stay with their DF but we still get time. That time on my own and with my DP is much needed and priceless. Planning something with someone I want to do things with had given me so much more energy to make things happen.

Celebrate your victories OP, however small. Just knowing that you've accomplished a good life for you and your DCs is just the best feeling in the world.

Good luck

Mines bloody marvellous! Or was before this bloody lockdown shit.

I dreaded the end of my marriage, but it was such a relief in the end- like a weight lifting. I met now DP really quickly and we have a lovely time on my child free weekends and holidays.

All in all a massive improvement

Life will be way better op. Hard to go through but worth it. Defo must be bloody awful if you are having to continue living together - my deep sympathies for that. (My ex left for good as soon as I found out about the ow - no ifs or buts - and thank god for that.) But you will get through it and, like me, will finally sit on your sofa with a huge sense of relief that he is gone, it’s finally done, and you can move on. Stay strong

Once he moved out, life was fantastic. The couple of weeks we managed to live together after I told him I wanted a divorce we’re horrible.

We had no children so I found myself with tons of freedom, more money even though I was now covering all my housing expenses and paying some of his bills, and just a wonderful sense of calm.

Sorry you are going through that OP. Living together whilst splitting is really the worst bit. I did that too, it was just awful. Once that is over a huge weight will be lifted and you can start your life again. Are you going to be able to buy your own place? How will you sort time with the DC? Is the divorce straightforward? My life post-separation is so much better; there's nothing more lonely than being with someone you don't love or even like. You will be happy again. Good luck, keep us posted.

Thanks @meg70 The plan is that I remortgage and buy him out and stay in this house. But we've hit an obstacle with the down valuation of the house. If we sell the house I will be able to afford somewhere with teh equity as a deposit. Its just the time it takes to sell.

He will not move out and rent, he has a thing about rentiing. I would happily do it, but there just isn't anything around, rented places are snapped up in hours at the moment.

Thanks Meg. Had the final house valuation yesterday we have to sell so we both take the equity and fund another 2 homes. Going on the market in January.
Thanks for letting me know life for you is good, I feel so lonely and also guilty. I think if I didn't have to see him so much the guilt would lift a little. Though it was his actions that have caused the split I feel guilty that I was not able to keep goin with the marriage. I became really quite angry in the end of the marriage, so part of it is my actions too, I recognise that.
We have agreed 2 night a week with him rest of week with me. With some flexibility as we both work odd hours often involving weekends. All these responses have made me feel better. I keep reading them when I'm down.