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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tearing myself apart - are we done?

3 replies

dawnseeker · 30/11/2020 05:25

I've been married to my wife (we're both female) for 15 years. We've been through ALOT but we've remained strong and the relationship has always been fairly healthy. But we've hit a 'wall'... I feel like we're both changing but in different directions. She doesn't seem to be 'present' anymore. Work is more of a priority for her and I'm left on the outside.
I talk a lot with my best friend who is also having relationship issues so we are supporting one another... however ... I have started to develop feelings for my best friend during this. We have grown closer as we have been sharing a lot of very personal and intimate information with one another (she is straight btw) and I can sense a 'shift' in the friendship.
Never thought this would happen - I've always been so dedicated to my wife and our relationship. Now I am confused and feeling like I'm going out of my mind. Does my best friend feel the same for me you may ask? Who's to say. I have no idea. Sometimes I think she does. She's very tactile with me and more so lately. The amount we see one another has increased a lot and we message all the time. She likes to be close to me and always has to be touching me in some way when we're together.. a hand on my knee, or putting her legs up on me when we're sat together. Recently my wife had an opportunity for work abroad which would have meant us moving away. When I told my friend about this she burst into tears to my surprise. She said she worried we'd never see each other again... Then when it was confirmed my wife wasn't going for the job, my friend was so relieved and told me she'd been waiting all day for me to message her and let her know if it was happening or not....

It's not that I want to leave my wife and start something with someone else - I am
just turned around at the moment - feeling of loss for the relationship with my wife which I am desperately trying to recover and feelings of love for my friend - which are growing stronger every day and I cannot seem to stop.
How can i fix all of this...???

OP posts:
Graphista · 30/11/2020 05:48

Well I'd say you need to start by ending the very clear emotional affair you're having with your friend! Who do you think you're kidding?

You need to go nc with the friend I'm afraid and speak to your wife and arrange couples counselling and work on your marriage (assuming your wife wants to)

I'm torn whether you should tell your wife about the affair, I'm not sure she wouldn't already suspect to be honest.

That's a right mess you've got yourself in!

sofiaaaaaa · 30/11/2020 05:54

Your friend doesn’t want you - she’s straight. It’s never going to happen in the way you want it. It’s a fairytale.

Your relationship issues with your wife are a separate matter

MRC20 · 30/11/2020 05:55

Your relationship with your friend needs to stop I'm afraid. It's not very healthy at all.

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