Posting for Therapy, it’s all gone bad

[Christmasnightmare]

Please excuse me, this is long...
My DH has a job where he works 2 months on 2 months off. We (3DC and I) Had been living abroad with him, where I also had a job. Around 10 weeks ago, during his last stay at home he helped us relocate home to the uk. Working with 3DC, a husband working away and no family support during the pandemic was too difficult. I needed to come home, and he said he was happy with that.

We couldn’t sell our home, so took a rental in the UK, unfurnished and not ideal. We are a bit skint paying for both so just taking our time furnishing it, but we have all the essential bits, and a lot of nice things too. Just not what we had before.

Any way he went away to work for 2 months, and I focused on settling the kids into a new country and schools. The eldest isn’t coping. We’ve also had to isolate for 14 days on 3 separate occasions!

Anyway, he came back on Friday. Told us the house was disgusting. Spent Saturday doing the same, following me around criticising, and then today told me that I was lazy, sat on my arse all day and dirty.

I’m really not. I made every meal since he arrived, sorted the kids with all the online activities, did the laundry- all he did was follow me around telling me how shit I am.

Anyway, he ‘left us’ at lunchtime and went to his sisters. The kids have cried all day. Bedtime was a disaster.

It’s really not acceptable, how he is behaving. But I’m in such a shit financial position now. I’ve always worked, and have no worries about managing 3 kids on my own while working but I know nobody will want to employ a mum of three - I mean we had to isolate 3 times already!!

I’m raging that he would hurt my kids like this. My poor children crying because Daddy thinks we are too messy to live with. Watching one sit on the floor sobbing and picking up toys. He has hurt them so much and I am beyond angry. And of course, he is off getting drunk with his sister.

No questions Really, I’m just livid.

Has he left for good, is that what he is saying.?

Either way he sounds a selfish git, who takes you for granted.

What do you want?

what a cruel thing to do to your poor DC :( is he always like this OP?

Goodness. It must be such a hard time for you all, how can you settle into life when life in general is so unsettled? It sounds like you are doing a great job of keeping on top of the things that matter, your dc.

Be kind to yourself.

My God, what an arsehole. What was he like before?

You’ve had such a lot to contend with, he should be supporting you.

OP. it sounds as if you are coping brilliantly, i'm sorry your eldest is struggling, especially during the pandemic, it's highlighted everything.
For now, just prioritise yourself and DC. Your OH sounds so unsupportive, he should realise this is a transitional time and give his full backing and involvement. Just keep going, do you still have friends in the UK who you can contact ?

Do you know exactly what he is doing with his spare time now that he is so far away from home?

Thanks everyone. He messaged this morning, starting with an apology but when I said no, I couldn’t risk the kids getting upset like that, and I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just fit into family life and be a nice guy, he accused me of being controlling and it’s my way or nothing!

That’s the problem. He thinks it’s ‘my way’ - l we have been here for 2 months without him. We have tried all the different patterns and perms. This is what is proven to work for the family. It’s the way where everyone achieves what they need to achieve. Does he honestly think I chose online lesson times and days homework is due and when the sports uniform is needed????
We have a pattern that works for everyone. I’m not going to start fucking around with it because he has some problem with me figuring the pattern out.

He’s also re writing history saying I was angry yesterday because He was taking the kids on a walk no, it’s because he called me lazy and said I sit around on my arse all day!!!!

So, he’s not coming home. Someone asked me what I wanted- I wanted him to come home, he a nice guy and fit in with family life. That’s clearly not going to happen. Fuck.

Christmas how are you today? Has your DH been in touch, and if not, have you managed with the kids ok? Just thinking of you as a family, the coming season is a stressful time anyway, but it sounds as if you had everything thrown at you at once, including moving from overseas.