Please help me find the courage to end it

[Grace456]

Following on from my previous thread...

No sex, no physical affection. No intimacy. partner refusing to listen and keeps dismissing me when I tell him how I feel. Today I was crying and he told me to lighten up, be happy and be positive before proceeding to sit on his laptop and ignore me.

I love him but I am so desperately unhappy. I have tried talking to him so,many times and he just doesnt care. He makes me feel like our relationship doesn't mean anything to him.

I know I need to end it, but I'm crying in bed at the thought of being without him. Even though what kind of life is this? I feel so lonely and alone

I don't know what to even say. I feel like I physically can't get the words out. I don't see the point of going into every painful detail with him as to why... he knows I'm unhappy and his actions show he couldnt care lesz

What are you waiting for? A lightbulb to go off in his head to make him be kind and loving? The longer you drag this out, the more of your life you waste. Surely you want better for yourself?

No advice but really relate to you especially not been able to physically get the words out and my dh not listening to me telling him how unhappy I am.
I have a thread myself that ive just restarted about leaving before or after Christmas.

So just wanted to say your not alone, maybe we can encourage each other x

@LucyLovesCheese

No advice but really relate to you especially not been able to physically get the words out and my dh not listening to me telling him how unhappy I am. I have a thread myself that ive just restarted about leaving before or after Christmas. So just wanted to say your not alone, maybe we can encourage each other x

Thank you Lucy. I am really sorry to hear that you are going through this too :( it is such a rubbish time of year for a breakup isn't it. I guess I am still holding on to hope or just putting off pulling the plug because I think I am scared that he won't even care anyway and it will really be over. I just don't understand why he won't communicate with me

He won't talk to you because to him, you're like the fridge or the coffee table. You're just there.

He doesn't feel the need to communicate with household objects, and that's all you are to him now.

I think mine won't engage with conversations regarding our relationship/ separation as I talk and he doesn't reply I give up so may be to put me back in my box? or an element of head in the sand- do you think this could be the same with your partner?

@LucyLovesCheese

I think mine won't engage with conversations regarding our relationship/ separation as I talk and he doesn't reply I give up so may be to put me back in my box? or an element of head in the sand- do you think this could be the same with your partner?

Yeah I definitely think my partner prefers to stick in his head in the sand and just try to ignore things that are difficult to deal with. I don't want to give up because I miss what we had... but I can't keep hoping he will come back and be who he was :(

What are your current living circumstances?

Do you think he ever will come back to who he was realistically?
Things that are helping me are really being honest with myself for example my dh has promised to go to counselling together for a year- took me a while but I have accepted that isn't happening! I keep hoping being honest with myself and realistic about what could change is helping me mentally get there xx

I can relate to missing what you had , but often it's a facade and this is the real him.I waited and waited for the lovely loving man to come back to me after years of EA. He didnt exist, he never had.

I tried speaking with him. He said he doesnt see a problem in our affection (are you kidding me?) Says if I want affection I should initiate. I explained it is hard to have the confidence initiate when you feel the other person doesn't want it.

He said it is just lockdown affecting us. I said that I disagreed... how we communicate is the problem. He is now refusing to talk any further and wants me to work upstairs so we are not in the same room today working from home

I can also relate. You're not alone. Split up a couple of weeks ago, and it's so hard to even explain it to people. It is hard, but I know deep down that I didn't want to model that marriage to my kids any more. Sending a hug, OP.

@MackenCheese

I can also relate. You're not alone. Split up a couple of weeks ago, and it's so hard to even explain it to people. It is hard, but I know deep down that I didn't want to model that marriage to my kids any more. Sending a hug, OP.

Thank you. I'm so sorry to hear you are going through similar, but it sounds like you have done the right thing.

It is just like talking to a brick wall. I've been looking through our text messages, and maybe things haven't been as bad for as long as I thought as he was sending me loving messages about 6 weeks ago. Things just feel to have gone downhill so fast, but bubbling under the surface for a while at the same time if that makes sense.

I dont know whether it is because he is so unhappy at work, or whether he just doesnt care anymore.

I told him I still love him and he says he loves me too but "just love isn't enough" just loving eachother doesnt mean we get on or are happy :( we could be happy, all I wanted was more affection and quality time, but he just refused to see my needs and to give it to me :(