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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do?

7 replies

Yachting1212 · 29/11/2020 17:27

My ex and I split up a year ago. No drama, just better off being friends, distance and time. Basically we had insane sexual chemistry and still do. We see each other as friends and only acted on it when both single. Not spoke to him in a while as he is in a new relationship and the girl is a bit high maintenance. Also this girl tried to split us up as she had feelings for him.

They were friends beforehand, she always wanted something more and he didn’t. Over lockdown they got close and got together 2 months ago. More feelings from her as she chased him. I get the impression as she was nice to him he just fell into a relationship.

He started flirting with me via text saying if he wasn’t with someone we could be together. I told him to calm down as he has a girlfriend snd didn’t pursue it. Hard but I am not that person.

He admitted they had issues and it was very up and down, he didn’t see her much and they fell out a few weeks back and just got back together. He says it’s very stressful and not sure about future. Taking it slow, which is unlike him.

He appeared today with a present for me. We chatted and he is not happy - he is normally a happy person. Said he missed us and apologised for messing it up. I said you shouldn’t be telling me this as your not single. Nothing else said, just back to flirty banter.

I am not waiting on him, and feel guilty for flirting with him. What do think is going on? Am I back burner or was he just finding out how I felt before he acted? I don’t know how I feel, but the chemistry is insane. Lots of people have commented on it during our relationship and when they saw us after as friends. I know I should ignore and block him

What do I do?

OP posts:
HotSince63 · 29/11/2020 17:30

Do you know what... everything he's told you about this other woman... he told her exactly the same about you.

Thingsdogetbetter · 29/11/2020 17:35

Ignore and block! Ffs. He's basically saying my 'wife' doesn't understand me, she made me get in a relationship with her cos I'm so weak I can't make decisions for myself, poor me, pity me enough to shag me, but don't expect me to commit to you cos I'll go back to her after I've got my ego boasting.

If he really wanted you, he'd have split up with his gf and then come round and flirt. He's playing both of you. Probably telling her how into him you are, to get her to up her 'game' to prove she's better than you. Pure and simple triangulation.

Cantdoitallperfectly · 29/11/2020 17:36

He doesn’t know what he wants.

CunnyLingus · 29/11/2020 18:08

Finish university first and gain some independence and fresh perspective on the world.

MeMarmite · 29/11/2020 18:10

Ignore and block him.

Yachting1212 · 29/11/2020 18:36

The other girl was in touch with me when they got together basically telling me to leave him alone and he is mine. Fair dues I am not fighting over a guy.

I have told him I might consider it if he is single, but he isn’t. He basically doesn’t know what he wants and knowing him, he is with her as it was easy and she showed him care and love. He is going through a hard patch and has gone out with people who supported him instead of liking them. He has saviour complex, reason we didn’t work out as I am independent - reason he says he misses me

But it’s the chemistry and he has never apologised before. Just feeling he is setting me up as a replacement.

OP posts:
HotSince63 · 29/11/2020 18:43

Oh what a load of bollocks - "saviour complex" my eye. Stop trying to psychoanalyse him and make up excuses for his shitty behaviour.

He knows what he wants. One of you in a 'relationship' with him and to make sure one of you is waiting on the side.

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