Why am i feeling like this?

[bigboydiditandranaway]

I have been married to dh for 2yrs and in that time we have had had a lot of pressure from his parents, as my dh says they are loud, gobby and overbearing. Basically i find that sometimes i keep going over in my mind what they have said(as in annoying comments etc)or pre-empting situations and i feel that it starts to come between us, i start thinking things like if we were to spit up i wouldn't ever have to see them again, i find that sometimes i just don't fancy him because of the resentment i feel for them.

I really don't want to feel like this about my dh and want to find a way of dealing with this because it feels so wrong

Please help

what do you mean by pressure?

TBH you can't control other peoples' behaviour but you can control your responses to it

how bad are they for you to feel that you don't fancy your DH???

I have a difficult relationship with FIL and step MIL but i have accepted their behaviour rather than let it control and dominate my life and responses

hi, i do have lots of problems with mil right now as she is so overwhelming and controlling (see message: am i being unreasonable? my dh and i are not on same wavelength since ds was born...)...and same as u it makes me feel angry at my husband especiallly when he does not support me...but we need to think that if we let our relationship fade, mil/fil will win and u do not want to lose do u? i think we need to take distance from them and have a bit of relaxing time with each other...

Also have uber controlling mil. Avoid whenever possible. Imagine swigging from large bottle of gin while talking to her and smiling politely. Feel superior at all times. Don't let it come between you.

And by the way don't be told you're paranoid or over-sensitive by anybody.

could you get your dh to have a word with them,but making it clear he is unhappy with the situation so as not to give them amo against you?

Not sure I understand - if your DH says they are loud, gobby and overbearing then surely you and he are agreed about them? So where is the conflict?

i agree with pages. your dh agree with u that his parents are wrong, unlike mine who keeps saying i misinterpreted what she said...u are luckier!

I too have a MIL who is interfering. I have learned to ignore what she says - she can say what she likes - and to get on with it.

Having said that, it took me a very long time to get to this place. I would fume about stuff she'd say which was pretty bitchy because she couldn't handle the fact she's not able to take charge of me and my family.

Like you, DH and I suffered. Unlike your DH, he wouldn't believe that she was a problem. I too wanted to keep away from him. I didn't want to be intimate with him because I felt I couldn't trust him. Anyway, so you have a headstart.

You need to sit down together, identify what the problem exactly is (sounds remedial but just to make sure you're reading from the same hymn book, so to speak) and create a united front - how are you both going to react to future provocation? Maybe you'll choose not react. Maybe you'll choose to speak up.

I chose to speak up and it worked for us. It let DH off a bit because it meant he didn't have to face his parents but I don't mind looking like the bad cop.

Are you seeing them too often? This is your marriage. It matters that it works and you have to decide what is best for you and DH.

Good luck.

Thanks for your messages, love tovik'swill try it this weekend.

I have noticed that when dh & i don't make love for a while i start to feel a bit like this, but as soon as we do, the closeness and attraction follows. I usually find it hard to feel in the mood for a while after we have seen/heard from inl's, i'm usually too tense and fraughtbecause of the way they are, i do except that they are a PITA, it's just switching off from them after we've seen them, which is usually every 2/3 weeks.